Letters to the Editor
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How I solved my problem
Years ago I had the same problem whenever I left town. All of the neighborhood kids would use the pool. I solved the problem by putting up a large sign whenever I left town that read “Warning Warning Warning. Do not use this pool. It is being chemically treated. Serious injury may result.” No one used the pool while the sign was up.
SJ
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It's simple
The LW should have her husband tell the fam to call before they stop by to use the pool. Have him say that there may be other activities going on, and he doesn't want to impede on his aunt and uncle's fun.
If people can't understand that you'd like a simple phone call before they swing by, then who needs them? Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you have to like them! Really. The LW needs to stick up for herself here. If she's annoyed, do something about it. Don't let others hold you hostage in your own home.
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misdirected anger
You express a lot of anger at your husband's family members for using your pool and perhaps for not perceiving your discomfort. But your husband told them they should use the pool. Why would they think he meant something other than what he said? Maybe they are insensitive and clueless; but they're following directions. Get him to handle it and stop stewing.
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How about the old physical barrier method?
Put a decorative (but too-high-to-climb) fence around the pool. Install a gate. Install a lock on the gate. Keep the lock locked except when it is okay for people (with your permission and under your supervision) to use the pool.
This tactic makes sense in order to spare the homeowner bother and disturbance, keep the insurance premiums within sane range, and prevent roaming children, teens, pets, the high and/or inebriated or otherwise non compos mentis crowd, and others who may be unaware of the dangers of water from bumbling into the pool, coming to grief, and being the cause of lawsuits.
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from the other end
Last summer, I had a friend who said I could use her beautiful new pool. I didn't even have to call first, I could just come over and use it. Even when no one was home. I have to admit, during one of the heat waves, I was really tempted. I don't have a pool, and the ponds around here are kind of grungy to swim in, plus they have snapping turtles. I didn't go over, but I had moments where I thought I should.
I have to admit when I was a kid, I shamelessly freeloaded when it came to a neighbor's pool. He always gave his kid and his friends all free food, too. Looking back, he strikes me as a saint.
Kids don't understand when they're imposing, and apparently, some adults don't either. I think in this case, Miss Manners would advocate being assertive, only in a more cutesy way than Cary. By the way, I once heard about a dye that will turn red if someone urinates in your pool. Perhaps a little embarassment would do the trick.
No really, be honest with your husband. There's a big difference between being aggressive and being assertive. Some people just need to be told straight out that their behavior is unacceptable.
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Floating plastic "poo".......?
Just kidding.......sort of.
As others have pointed out here ideally your husband should be handling this by talking to his cousin directly. Yes, he did say "anytime", but she is taking advantage of his offer and being both rude and intrusive.
If he won't deal I would suggest a fence and a locked gate. I'm also wondering what your liability would be, insurance wise, if one of the cousin's children drowned (heaven forbid) in your unfenced, unsupervised pool during one of their unannounced visits? You may want to talk to your insurance provider. That would also give you an excellent reason for restricting use of the pool to anyone, let alone the cousin, without causing hard feelings, and that aspect might get your husband to rethink his pool policy.
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Your problem is not your guest, it's your husband
You can't blame your husband's cousin for taking your husband at his word. He's the one who said she could come over any time without calling first. How is she supposed to know that your husband doesn't say what he means or means what he says? Now you are stuck in a situation where your husband would much rather inconvenience you, to the point where you have lost a significant sense of comfort in your own home, because he is too afraid of possibly, maybe, perhaps offending his aunt and uncle.
Honey, you have way bigger problems than who uses your pool. You are living with someone who, despite the fact that he has sworn to love and support you above all others for the rest of your days, would prefer that you suffer in a situation you find intolerable rather than risk the slightest chance that he might offend distant relatives. Wake up and smell the chlorine.
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Locking pool cover
I'm surprised your agent hasn't mandated it. In most states, a pool has to be fenced and locked.
Fence, lock, and tell them that the insurance mandated it. They should NEVER be in your pool when you are not there. One accident and you are just screwed.
Tell your husband to grow some balls, and worry about his own children. Thin-skinned family can be dealt with.
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Oh! Oh! Oh!
"Floating plastic "poo".......?"--loopychick
Perfect!!! Toss a couple of Baby Ruth bars in there!
On a serious side, there may indeed be insurance liabilities to consider. Tell your husband it was a stupid thing for him to say and that you need to set down some ground rules.
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Wait One Bleedin' Minute
Why say "Come over and use our pool any time you feel like it" if you don't mean it.
Oh.
Suddenly, I get it. LW says "Come over and use our pool any time you feel like it" when she means "we want to appear overly generous and saintly, and in our community we have to act like we share everything in a communal fashion, but the truth is, it's our pool and we'd rather that anyone who uses it let us know and that they borrow it sparingly."
LW's husband's cousin apparently doesn't speak the "code". She apparently thinks people mean what they say.
Personally? I think LW should just suck it up and either tell cousin a polite, direct, white lie of a truth:
"We thought, in the first flush of owning a new place that it would be great if everyone came and used it all the time, but you know what? Sometimes we want a little "us" time, or private time - not that we don't love having you over! Reality has hit us hard on top of the head!
"Furthermore, we read our insurance policy and if something happened to someone while we're not here or the insurance company even finds out that someone was using our pool when we weren't here? We would be sooooo screwed - they'll cancel our policy. Seriously, do you know how hard it was to find reasonably priced insurance on a house with a pool?
"So. . .could you maybe call us before you come over and cut down on the visits? Don't stop coming - god, no, we'd miss you - but give us some time for wink-wink-nudge-nudge AND help keep us in insurance!"