Letters to the Editor
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Yellow polka-dotted couth!
Last time I wore my couth to the pool it flew off after a cannonball and got sucked into the filter!
Sorry. Just couldn't help laughing about the idea of polished refinement when we are discussing children swimming in a backyard pool. We are discussing children, right? The cousin isn't swimming on her own, but bringing her kids over, kids that may be friends with your kids, kids that probably won't get it when faced with a newly-changed lock or an unnecessary family feud. Kids that are family, kids that are the probable reason your husband extended the open invitation in the first place. Family, especially family that lives close enough to pop over for a swim and has been granted access to do that at will, need not follow the same rules of etiquette as others. In fact, it should not be expected of them.
You, not your husband, needs to tell the cousin the truth: unexpected visits irritate the crap out of you and would she please call ahead when she wants to use the pool. Make sure she knows it's your thing, not hers. That would be honest, something of more importance than manners when dealing with family. And keep in mind she has sweaty children to contend with, children who know they can use your pool freely and probably pester her to do so. She is probably aware that she's irritating you and may well appreciate an airing of the problem. So let it come from you, and let it be more of a discussion of your stress than an indictment of her behaviour.