Letters to the Editor
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LW, it's up to you
I haven't even read the other letters, but there is one detail that stood out like a neon Santa Claus to this hyper paranoid pool owner: your relative has access to your pool when you are not there. This is an absolute non-starter and should be changed for basic safety and liability reasons. Whether you leave the gate unlocked or your relative does, there is a decent chance some child will wonder into your yard and drown in your pool. It also means, for instance, that your relative and her children might use the pool after it has been chemically treated and not safe to enter. You, LW, and not your cousin, will be liable for these unfortunate occurrences.
Put a lock on your gate so that no one can use the pool without your permission. You don't even have to announce a different policy, just start telling your cousin that "now is not a good time" when she comes by and tries to gain access to the pool. Bottom line: Right now, all the burden is on you to tell her to get out. You have to shift that burden so that she has to ask. For this, you need a locked door and a reasonably firm attitude.