Letters to the Editor
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"While most people have enough couth not to actually take him up on his offer..."
LW, maybe it's just me, but I completely fail to understand how this cousin is uncouth, ill-mannered, insensitive, and just plain rude to use your pool without prior notice when
Your.
Husband.
Told.
Her.
To.
That doesn't make her a bad person. It makes your husband generous, and you afraid to tell the truth.
"While most people have enough couth not to actually take him up on his offer..." Oh, you mean most people are expected to assume your husband's word is worthless, and he is a liar and insincere in his invitations? Personally, I don't associate with people I assume are liars, so I don't get this at all.
You make it sound like this woman is heartlessly taking advantage of your husband's hospitality. Maybe she is. But you can't possibly know that, because apparently no one has told her yet that her actions are offensive to you! She cannot possibly stop doing what she does not know bothers you.
Stop blaming this poor woman for taking your husband up on his offer and doing only what she was told to do. For whatever reason she hasn't yet gotten your icy chill, but I sure do.
You have enough courage and energy to bitch to perfect strangers about how horrible she is for having taken your husband at his word... why not turn some of that energy toward calmly telling her the situation has changed and you'd like her to call ahead from now on? It'd be a mere fraction of the resources you've already spent in resenting her and hating her unwanted presence in your personal domain.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be harsh, but I cannot stand people who politely lie for the social approval, and then get angry when someone didn't assume they were lying. Can't have it both ways. Straightforward people like me never know where your boundaries really are, and I don't think you can blame this cousin for not knowing either.
I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill. If you say something *clearly and directly* to her about what your expectations are and she doesn't comply, THEN you have a problem. But until then, speak a few carefully placed and COURTEOUS words to her, or to your husband, or forever hold your peace.