Letters to the Editor
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It's the kids
They want to swim. They beg their mom to swim. If Mom says, no, we shouldn't impose, they reply but Uncle said we could come any time. He did, you heard him.
And Uncle did say that. And he might have even said it to the kids. Uncle is a bit dim. I bet you don't have kids. Or maybe, Uncle loves the noise of happy kids.
Talk to your husband and set some rules. Don't say anything about the cousin's behavior to date, just inform her that there are now limits.
If the relatives are champion grudge holders, just make a point of not arguing. If cousin is rude enough to argue (but you never use the pool), just repeat your words, 'only on Fridays and call first.' Don't get offended or be offensive.
I have lots of experience dealing with a relative who gives and takes offense quickly. Make sure you're in the right and ignore offending statements. If necessary, pat yourself on the back for being a saint. It really helps.