Letters to the Editor
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Miss Manners
Why are you so persistently trashing good manners? Do you think it implies that you are more genuine?
The argument that we live in a great big terrible world and therefore manners do not matter is a tired old smokescreen for bad behavior. Look around. Read the letters in response to your column, let alone other columns. Nasty behavior is all too frequent, and frequently disguises itself as honesty. The proponents of this spurious honesty feel they have a right to say anything they wish to anyone at any time.
I will go this far with you: I distinguish courtesy from trivialities such as which fork to use. Courtesy and snobbish fixed behavior are two different things. Courtesy is extremely valuable and requires practice, effort, and judgment. It is at root a respect for the rights and wellbeing of others. This is not trivial, but the essence of civilization.
Asking for lemons does not strike me as discourteous. I would probably do the same thing, first saying something like, If you really feel you have too many, and you wouldn't mind, I would love some lemons. Doesn't take a lot longer than Let's have them there lemons then, and is careful of the intentions and desires of others. Perhaps the person meant to be boasting of the fruitfulness of the tree, not giving lemons away. Perhaps the person was expressing amazement, not giving lemons away. Courtesy tries not to assume too much and leaves the option with the other person.
Going out and picking lemons off the person's tree without permission because that person said he or she had too many--now that IS discourteous.
I wish there were more courtesy in the world, not less.