Letters to the Editor
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Keep it simple...
First the LW’s biggest problem is with her husband. He made a ridiculously open invitation without discussing it with her. He is more concerned about potentially upsetting touchy relatives than her. (If the relatives are that easily offended, they can always find something to be offended about.) She needs to resolve this issue with her husband.
Dear Cousin is a clod if she’s unaware that she is taking the invitation too literally and being intrusive.
The best solution is for the LW’s husband to rescind or amend his invitation. This is probably unlikely, so the LW needs to be a big girl and take care of it.
She needs to decide how often and under what conditions she doesn’t mind the cousin using the pool, if any.
Now for the simple part – Don’t do some elaborate passive-aggressive manipulation/game to discourage the cousin. Don’t tell some elaborate lie or justification. Don’t over-apologize or over-explain. Just tell her the truth as diplomatically as you can. If she chooses to be offended, that’s up to her. The LW has a right to privacy and to control her own home.