Letters to the Editor
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Solve the problem, which is YOU
Your husband's cousin is not the problem.
Your pool is not the problem.
You just can't say no, and neither can your husband, although he's more aggressive about his unassertiveness (an oxymoron but you know what I mean).
Miss Manners, despite Cary's trashing of her approach, would not approve. She is a HUGE proponent of learning how to say "no" without offending people.
What offends people is not the "no", it's the unexpressed anger and resentment that propels it.
Miss Manners would advise you and your husband get a lot of practice at saying "No" politely but firmly. It does get easier (trust me) the more you do it. But you both have to be on the same page -- it obviously doesn't promote good family relations if one of you is saying "No" while the other one is saying "Come on in!"
So the first talk has to be with hubby. If you can be calmly, firmly, politely assertive with him, taking on the cousin should be a snap. "I'm sorry, Harold, but we can't allow anyone, including your cousin,to use the pool at their leisure anymore. I'll work with you on a schedule when the pool will be available to relatives and friends." Period. Repeat as necessary.
Sure, some people will be offended when they don't get what they want, no matter how polite you are about it. But why should you reward their bad behavior just to avoid a scene? Besides, as you've already discovered, caving in doesn't help the situation, it makes it worse!
What it boils down to, LW, is putting on your big girl panties and taking control of your life. Wouldn't you say it's about time?