This guy is playing games with you. He doesn't respect you or think of you as an equal. Your only choices are to play games back at him or dump him.

Don't play games.

Cary didn't explore the possible reasons why did won't give you a key, but I shall.

1. He can't, for some reason (e.g. they're non-duplicateable, or he would need to get the apartment manager involved and it's against his lease). Unlikely, but not impossible. I think if this was the case, he'd tell you and you wouldn't be writing in.

2. He doesn't trust you not to steal his stuff. Maybe his last girl ripped off his CD collection or pills. He's got some issues to work through, and you're not the one who's going to be able to help him with these.

3. He doesn't trust you not to snoop through his stuff while he's gone, or to show up unannounced while he's home. And why not? Because he's got something to hide. What could it be? Hm. He's probably cheating on you.

4. He's doing it just because he likes, in an abstract sense, being in control of his apartment ("power"), and that's more important to him than being considerate of you. So he's a dick.

Assuming it's one of 2, 3, or 4, this is not a relationship that's going anywhere, so you might as well Dump The MotherFucker Already and get on with your life, lady.

"He isn't paying attention because he doesn't have to."

LW, this sums it up. It's not about the key or access to the place, it's about him, it's all about him.

Good luck.

LW, he is treating you like a puppy because you let him. The longer you allow him to get away with treating you this way the worse it will get. I cannot stress this enough: ditch his ass NOW and find someone worth your time.

I suggest leaving suddenly. No goodbyes. Make sure you have your things. No "closure." Just disappear and forget about the controlling bastard. Giving him an explanation would be like handing him a key. The key you never got from him.

I'm with Cary on this: stop accommodating his self-centeredness, and stop schlepping your stuff back and forth to his apartment all the time. If he really cares about you and wants to see you, he'll make the effort to come to you. And if he doesn't, well, that's pretty telling, isn't it?

It might be worth spending a little time thinking about why you've been willing to go along with this up until now. Is he so fabulous in some other respect that it's worth it? Somehow I'm not seeing that. What I'm seeing is a guy who can't be bothered to meet you even halfway. Whether it's because he's fundamentally selfish or just not that into the relationship - who knows? But either way, is that what you want for yourself? Because it doesn't have to be like that. Seriously, it doesn't. Wouldn't you rather be with someone who acts like he wants to be with you than just allows you to come over when it's convenient for him?

That's the upshot, isn't it? You have to be at his place for him, but you can't be at his place without him.

The next time he comes home, be at your own apartment. Let him call you to see what's going on. Tell him that if he ever wants to see you again, it will be at your apartment, and he will be giving you a key to his place.

I doubt he'll do it. Frankly, though, there is just about zero chance that he's a keeper, so this is fine. Let him lose you through his own arrogance and move on with your own life.

The guy's a manipulative, controlling asshole. You can't see that? It's one thing to want one's space private, but to require you to shape your life so that he and he alone has control over your access to your own property...honey, the guy's trash. Next thing you know, he'll start bashing you in the mouth for not getting his dinner on time.

Dump him and find yourself a decent man. One who won't mind you having your own place, or will understand what's involved in sharing a space.

LW states: "I cannot just be treated like an adult."

Oh, really? And whose fault is that? Cary has hit the nail on the head with this one, in that the LW is giving all the power to the BF, and allowing him to call all the shots.

LW, why do you feel that someone else should set the rules for you? Why do you allow someone to inconvenience you instead of establishing your own routine to your own liking? Why do you allow him to make ultimatums, as though your seeing him less would be a bad thing?

The fact that you seem extremely myopic, to say the least, about your own rights and responsibilities in a relationship--not to mention your responsibility to yourself--tells me that you need to work on yourself in the areas of independence and self-respect. There is no person worth staying with who won't be reciprocally considerate of your needs and desires. Living on your own is the best thing you can do while you examine why you allow another person to essentially rule your life, as though you really weren't an adult.

Instead of whining (yes, whining) about how bad things are because of someone else's actions, take matters into your own hands and set reasonable boundaries about what is and isn't acceptable in a relationship. You're not ready to live with someone until and unless you know how to bring your whole self to the table, negotiate on your terms, and compromise in ways that do not diminish your independence and self-worth.

If you need to get help to do this, so be it. To my mind, it's rather astonishing how, in this day and age, some women are all too willing to allow men to set the ground rules. The more leeway you give them, the more they'll take, and they'll eventually get bored with and/or resentful toward your subservience and passivity.

Learn how to live your life your way, set your own ground rules, expectations, and boundaries, and command the respect you deserve in a give-and-take relationship. You need to find out what's preventing you from doing this at this point.

Then, if you want another relationship, seek out one in which (first) you treat yourself as an adult, you're treated as an adult, and you in turn treat your partner as an adult--therein lies the path to mutual satisfaction.

End this relationship, start work on yourself now, and don't get involved with anyone else until you can act, and expect to be treated, as a rational adult without the head games.

Once you begin to "empower" yourself this way, there'll be no going back, and, believe me, the rewards will be great.

Good luck.