Letters to the Editor
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It's Mostly Been Said...
But really, LW, what do YOU want from this relationship? And whatever that is, have you shared that with your BF?
Because what I see is a lot of playing house with someone who doesn't want to share his toys. And whatever your goals, I find it hard to believe that your ultimate one is to end up living your life with someone who wants what HE wants, and doesn't give a damn what YOU want.
Based on your description of this relationship, that sounds pretty close to the truth of it.
Figure out what you want--not just from THIS relationship, but from any one. And if this one can't even approach that, then it is time to disengage yourself.
I didn't have a key to my (now) husband's place for quite a while. Neither did he have a key to mine. But we spent lots of time at each other's homes, and made sure to be there when the other was expected. I got a key after the night that I, and three of my kids, sat in my station wagon for over a half hour, waiting for him to get home so we could leave for a ski trip together. He'd been detained at work as he was walking out the door, it was before either of us had a cell phone, and we were BOTH upset: me about waiting and no key, him about being ambushed at the door on a Friday night when he had plans.
Within a week, we had given each other keys, after first going over the ground rules. He'd been raised by a snoopy mom, and I was used, after being a single mom for five years at that point, to being in charge.
We both made concessions, we both adjusted. If your current BF will not--and it does appear that he won't--then you really, really do not want a long term relationship with him. And if you do not, why not end it sooner, so that you can be free for the person you DO want to enter your life?