Letters to the Editor
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The More Things Change...
etc.
This is how far women have come: We got the vote. We got to choose over own own bodies. We can choose to go to college, join the military, and make careers of either and many others, or not. We can choose to marry, or live w/a man, or as many men as our beds will hold w/out breaking, or not. We can be single parents, or not. We raised our collective consciousness enough to know that those choices were OURS to make, w/input from other sources but still ours to decide and live w/either way.
We've come such a long way that we're able to care for ourselves, and others if necessary, so that marriage and/or partnership is actually an option but not the only one.
Yet none of those choices have fueled enough self-respect so as not to see when a man is using us and that this scenario is hardly a "partnership," let alone a healthy r'ship.
What happened?
Yes, we've all been there (guilty as charged). But at some point either we woke up and said, this is NOT acceptable and I need more. Or, someone close to us suggested that this was unacceptable behavior from a love partner and maybe we should re-think things through for our own sakes. Either way, it's a life experience and one of those "hard knocks" all of us encounter.
I hope LW is a young woman, in which case this episode will be chalked up to experience. But, alas, I still know too many women (and I'm a boomer) who'll swallow such disrespect and indifference from a SO, who's really not so "significant" after all, just b/c "he's a man."
I hope LW is reading these responses; that she was so dissatisfied she had to write to SYA shows that her instincts are sound. He really ISN'T that into her, and his behavior and attitude screams it so loud that now she hears it.
One of the best pieces of advice I ever got came from (don't hit me) "The Rules:" if a man is interested, he'll call--and if he isn't, he won't--period! And if he isn't interested, then why do you want a man who doesn't want you?
LW, let him go. Do yourself the biggest favor of this year and leave yourself free to meet another man--hell, MANY more--who at least won't hide from you. The key is the least of what's going on here; it's merely symbolic of the life he has that he doesn't want you to know about or be a part of--and that's b/c he doesn't plan to keep you IN it as long as you're convenient and meeting his needs for now. Give yourself enough credit to see that you don't deserve this clown and his secrets; let him inflict them on someone else.
And there's no greater satisfaction than being the one to leave such an abysmal situation. It won't feel like it right now, but you'll feel better later on when you realize that you DID know when to leave the party.