Letters to the Editor
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Dump him. He obviously doesn't care.
The long & short of it is that he doesn't want to give you a key. Probably, he feels that you're encroaching on him: you're moving your stuff into his place bit by bit; you're managing his household (shopping and cleaning), and you feel entitled to a key to his place.
if he's letting you sit on the steps with his groceries, it's his [passive-aggressive and immature] way of telling you that he doesn't want you getting his groceries. he doesn't want you managing him. he isn't willing to lift a finger to even help you help him; it means he's not grateful for what you're doing. So stop! Go volunteer in a soup kitchen if you need to vent your motherly urges -- this dude obviously doesn't want them.
I sympathize with your position -- I've been there. That said: I find it a little disturbing that you seem to feel entitled to his key. It makes sense, it's rational (perhaps you're subconsciously doing the chores to provide logical justification for why he should more formally embed you in his life). Giving someone a key to your home is *highly* symbolic. You seem to be ignoring this, perhaps willfully. He doesn't want to give you a key no matter how much "sense" it makes. He may even feel resentful since you're apparently trying to guilt him into giving up on his boundaries. "I do all this work for you, but you won't let me move in!" It ain't your house... and wouldn't you rather move in with someone who WANTS you there, instead of someone you had to nag into it?
I *promise* that you can do better. You deserve someone for whom you don't have to play Cinderella. And also, you have to stop being Cinderella.
I totally agree with Carey & the other writers who say to just STOP. do not shop for him. (c'mon, acting like his mother is NOT what you want.) do not clean for him, change his oil, do his taxes, or wash his dog. nothing. don't cook him dinner, don't arrange plans with him. get your stuff out of his house, even your toothbrush. if you can't channel your diva enough to do it all at once, do it gradually.
you've hit his limits and you need to see what, if anything, he's willing to do for you. don't call him (erase his number from your phone, i'm not kidding); don't email him (filter his emails straight to a folder or the trash); don't stop by his house. Just be busy. Do stuff for yourself. Make plans with your girlfriends. Go on another date! Read a book. See a movie. Do anything, just stop crawling after a person who doesn't seem to care about you!
Good luck...