Letters to the Editor
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Gender gap here?
Reading the responses to this letter, I can't help thinking that they would be very different if the LW were a man complaining that his girlfriend would not give him a key to her apartment. In that case, I suspect, a man would be criticized for failing to respect a woman's need for control of her own space, her right to determine for herself the boundaries of the relationship, etc. Here, however, many posters' assumption seems to be that any such implicit assertion on the man's part is selfish, controlling, etc. Why is his desire to set the boundaries of their relationship less valid than hers? I'm detecting a gender bias.
Speaking as a guy, I see one simple fact here: she has asked for a key before he has felt comfortable offering her one. But, as other people have asked, why is she entitled to a key? Because she's doing things for him that he apparently never asked her to do? If that's the case, she's the one who's being, or at least trying to be, controlling: performing certain actions and then demanding the key as her just recompense.
Giving someone a key to your apartment is an act of great intimacy, signalling a level of mutual trust and commitment which can't be unilaterally asserted. It seems to me that the LW and her boyfriend have two different views of how intimate their relationship is, and if that's the case, why are people assuming that her perception of that level of intimacy ought to be the one which determines his actions?
If the LW wants a relationship where she gets a key at this stage, then she's entitled to break up with this guy and go look for someone else. But I don't see why he is necessarily a selfish SOB simply for not ponying up a key to his home on demand.