Letters to the Editor
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This relationship just isn't working.
The lack of a key isn't too troubling in and of itself, depending on how long they've been together and how committed they are. What bugs me is that he hasn't really given her a straightforward answer about why he doesn't want her to have the key, and that he's giving such mixed signals. He doesn't want her to completely move back into her place, but he won't give her a key when lots of her stuff is at his house. That's totally unreasonable. It's a huge pain in the ass for LW to not completely live in one place or the other, especially if she needs access to her things when the boyfriend isn't at home. If the boyfriend doesn't want her to have a key, he should have no objections at all to her moving back into her own apartment. I personally think that LW should just inform him that since he's not giving her a key, she is moving back into her place. She needs to grow a spine and start calling some of the shots - especially if she's unhappy letting him call the shots. If he doesn't like that arrangement, he probably wasn't that excited about their relationship anyway. Harsh, but true. The no-key-for-you thing could just be a passive-aggressive way of telling her he's not really that interested.
LW needs to sit down with the boyfriend and have a good heart-to-heart talk about where each of them stands in this relationship. They're clearly not on the same page. It would be interesting to know how old they are and how long they've been together. My guess is that they haven't been together very long (guessing less than a year), but quickly started spending almost all their time together. They're probably also young - mid 20's at the most. The relationship seems to have moved along quickly, but without any clear discussion or understanding about what each person wants. Until they are able to define their relationship and goals, it's a very bad idea for LW to continue to invest all her time and energy into it. Besides, even people in a healthy relationship have their own hobbies and interests. My husband and I have an awesome relationship, but we don't spend every waking moment together.
The boyfriend needs to at least be honest with LW and tell her why he's not comfortable letting her have a key. If he thinks the relationship is just moving too fast, he needs to communicate that honestly with her. If he doesn't give a good reason, LW can take that as a sign that he's not willing to communicate with her. At the very least, they need to stop spending so much time together until they define their relationship.
My personal opinion is that this relationship is one-sided and will probably not last much longer.