Letters to the Editor
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One More Time, @ Under The Radar
"it sounded like you were sticking up for the BF completely."
Sorry if I wasn't clear. All I'm sticking up for is not assuming things.
"all we have to go on is what the LW says that the BF says."
'zactly! Plus we have a bunch of unanswered questions.
"I agree with you that BF needs to learn the consequences. If you give your SO a couple of closets, and you refuse to stay over at their place, and you allow them to "semi-move" in, then you are basically telling the SO that you are ready for key-level commitment."
Not necessarily. BF may just be trying to find out where LW's limits are. IOW, he'll just keep asking for more until she says no.
Or he may not understand how illogical and one-sided his "preferences" are. That's not a reason to dump him, it's a reason to Just Say No.
"Like I said about my own BF- it took him 2 years to be ready for me to leave stuff at his house, but he didn't invite me to do that until he WAS ready to give me a key as well."
That's him; this BF may not be experienced enough to know what makes sense and what doesn't.
"I think the bottom line here is that the LW isn't asking to move stuff in and get a key. The stuff is already in. She just wants a key to get to her stuff."
Maybe. It sounds to me like she had stuff at BF's, and then took it all home, and BF wants her to shlep all her stuff all over town in a bag much of the time. 'That doesn't work for me' is the short answer.
"If he doesn't want that level of commitment, then he shouldn't allow her stuff to be there in the first place."
*She* shouldn't allow her stuff to be there, either.
"(Personally, tho, I think this dude is craptastic.)"
Maybe BF just needs to be told NO, he's not going to get all his preferences from LW.