Letters to the Editor
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Beyond your control
Yes on Pema's books and Cary's advice : "You must grieve the loss of this dream and prepare for something new. You must find something to look forward to, some joy, some vision of life to sustain you."
The idea of preparing and moving on to something new seems exactly right. Perhaps adoption can work, even though you say you can't handle any more disappointments. There may be some small soul waiting just for you.
I am sorry for your suffering but I also believe that last part, about the soul. The Buddhists are onto something there.