Letters to the Editor
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Keep Your Heart Open...
So many people who have gone through the pain of infertility come out of it determined not to go through the pain of adoption.
But parenthood -- however you come by it -- is a challenging, emotional, painful rollercoaster. Whether it's the hormonal ups and downs of fertility/pregnancy, or the emotional ups and downs of a domestic adoption, or the adjustments involved in fostering and adoption of an older child, or the financial/emotional journey of international adoption. Nothing is easy or pain-free when it comes to having and raising children. At the same time, there's such great joy.
Parenthood starts in many ways -- sperm meets egg, signature goes on paper, home study starts. Some people hold out birth as a goal. Others desire parenthood. It's all a hard road -- make no mistake.
When/if you're ready for parenthood, you'll be willing to jump into adoption
But remember -- you will give away bits of your heart throughout the process.
You give away your heart to the baby whose referral you accept, but whose adoption doesn't work out due to reasons beyond your control.
You give away your heart to the special children who catch your eye at an orphanage or foster home, the ones you can't take home, but wish with all your heart you can.
You give away your heart to the poor children on the street of a country you are adopting from -- the ones who, hands out for a few cents, look at you pleadingly...you look at them and think that any one of them could have been your son or daughter in just a few years, and your heart breaks.
But the bits you give away are making extra space for the child who eventually comes to you, the one who is meant to be with you, and you with him/her.
I have a biological daughter, I lost a pregnancy, and we adopted a son from Guatemala. It's wonderful to have my two special children in my life, and the memory of a third. But I can't tell you which situation was harder -- the pregnancy and post-partum, or the lengthy adoption process. Both were intense, difficult, emotional, exhausting -- and so worth it.
Keep your heart open. There may be room to consider adoption...there are so many children who need loving parents.