Letters to the Editor
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Great advice from CT (and my two cents)
Cary was really on target with a lot of his advice about setting up activities and scheduling things to get the student of the couch. He really helped the LT, I bet, when he reminded the LT to say that it is OK to be uncomfortable in sticky situations. I, too, wish the LT said where he is; is language part of the problem? The bit I would add (from a vaguely similar experience) would be to seize the opportunity to get comfortable being alone, being dependent on no one but yourself, and even be OK with looking like a jerk. I once held up a long line of angry Brussels commuters because I could not figure out how much a subway ride cost. To this day I remember the glares I got almost as much as I remember the sympathetic glances from people who had probably been in the same situation at some point. So, LT, embrace your loneliness, and remember that you are there for you, not for the envy your sojourn will arouse in others, not for the bragging rights, not for the pride your parents will take, but for you to learn what kind of person you are. You can do it, even if every second is one miserable experience on top of another. Life is not necessarily enriched by an endless stream of stituations in which you are comfortable. Suffering setbacks, no matter how many, will foster your personal growth too.
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Long Dark Night of the Lonesome Exchange Student
I spent an academic year in England when I was a junior in college, and my version of hiding in front of the TV was spending too much time holed up in my room with my books. I wanted to connect with people, but after the initial rush of planned events and gatherings, our program kind of left us on our own. The academic structure was incredibly loose, too - one-on-one tutorials with professors just a few times a week, and otherwise all independent study - and this didn't help matters. Most of the English students didn't seem too interested in making friends with us transient Americans, since we'd be moving along soon enough, and I thought I was above hanging out with the pack of other American exchange students. I felt very isolated, very lonely.
I did try to get out and sight-see on my own, and while I still felt kind of depressed and lost doing these things at the time, when I look back, they are nice memories. When I visited other parts of the country, away from my snobby university town, I was shocked by how much friendlier the locals were, and how much more interested they were in meeting an American. And yes, the advice others have given to stay at hostels is excellent. There are usually other solo travelers there, looking for someone to hang out with for the evening, or groups that will gladly take you in for a day of sightseeing or a night at the cafe. You might also find the opportunity for a sweet, fleeting European romance there, too. I remember the time I went to a coastal town in Ireland for St. Patrick's Day ... mmmm ...
Although at the time it felt like "the locals" wanted nothing to do with me, in retrospect I realize that wasn't true. I had my sights set on the "cool" kids, who would barely give me the time of day, but there were plenty of nerdy, less-dazzling students who were thrilled to talk to me when I gave them a chance, and I'm sure would have been happy to befriend me. I wish I had been more open to them.
Also, winter in England was a miserable time. It was damp and gray and everyone was grumpy, and it was more difficult to run into people by chance. Once spring came, everything changed. The flowers came up, the sun came out, and people started smiling at me for no reason. Students started hanging out at the open-air pubs, and anyone who wanted to could come along. I also finally got wise and started spending more time at the college pub and hanging out in the student center. Sometimes that meant I was just sitting alone there feeling foolish, but it also meant I would run into people, and they would invite me to join in their plans.
Just try to get out of your room, and put yourself physically where other people will find you. Go do some interesting things, even if you don't feel like it, so you'll have something to remember when this is over. Don't worry too much about making friends with the "right" people - be grateful for anyone who will have you! Feel reassured that the exchange student experience is often difficult, and you're not a social pariah for having a hard time with it. As hard as it is at the time, you'll be surprised when it's over how many fond memories you have of it.
And even if all you do for the rest of the semester is sit in your apartment watching TV ... hey, some of my best memories of Europe are of watching the wacky TV shows there! That's local culture, too.
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LW, You Are Depressed
My daughter went through a semester like that, functioning but not able to get herself to DO anything. By the end of the semester, with a 3.7 going INTO finals, she was unable to get herself off the couch to bother to take them--and failed the semester.
IF you can get yourself moving, even a little--a walk down the block to have coffee--you WILL set in motion the beginnings of feeling better, because movement releases endorphins. If even that feels like too much bother, find out what medical services are available to you and use them--tell the physician at your university what's going on and get some help.
What you are dealing with is called dysthymia--literally, painful mood--and it's very common, very treatable and takes away the joy for millions of people.
Best of luck to you.
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Please go to a therapist!
It sounds like you are depressed and maybe suffering from anxiety. There should be a cheap or free counseling service that you, as a student, can take advantage of. Make a few phone calls, even though it's scary. Maybe the counselor will suggest an anti-depressant. Or maybe just talking about it with a professional will be enough.
DO IT! It can turn your semester abroad into the best time ever - really. Imagine being able to take advantage of traveling to nearby countries and making friends you can visit years later, all without this heavy emotional burden. You will never regret it. I speak from experience.