Letters to the Editor
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I, Too, Am An Expat
And I, too, have to fend off the urge to sit on my ass in front of the TV when the working day is done.
I'm lucky enough to live in a Scandinavian country with excellent public transit, and that's largely how I get around. So what I do is pay attention. I don't read on the bus or listen to an iPod on the train, no, I just look out the window. When I see an interesting looking neighborhood or shop or whatever, I make a little mental note of how to get there. Then, on the weekend, if the weather is nice, I make a point of going there and checking it out.
This was largely born out of necessity, since the only way I was going to find out where the grocery store was was to go out and find the damn grocery store. It took me roughly six months to begin to even get comfortable with finding my way around and doing "routine" things. It's only now, close to a year later, that going out to buy new shoes is something I do rather than being an epic adventure where I may wind up getting lost, and even still, I get excited when I find a new grocery store or hardware store or find a pharmacy closer to my flat than the one I'd been going to.
So I would say go out and find somewhere that looks interesting, somewhere you haven't been before. Even if you focus on useful stuff--I spent a week trying to find the right store to buy a network cable in--make a note of "fun stuff"--and in doing so, i found 2 new restaurants and a cafe I wanted to try--just keep your eye out and your ears open. If nothing else, you can do something else I do, which is to pick interesting sounding train/bus/tram stations, go there, and see what you can see.
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concrete advice re:Paris
I too spent a semester abroad in Paris and I too felt just as lonely for the first month. A few suggestions:
Go go Shakespeare and Company bookstore - a fabulous English-language bookstore in the Quartier Latin within sight of Notre Dame. Browse around the delicious new and used titles and find something adventuresome that you wouldn't even consider reading at home. Buy this book (don't forget to get the Shakespeare & Co stamp on the inside cover) and take it to a cafe near your home. Sit down, get your caffeinated French beverage of choice (I soon grew addicted to cafe creme), and read it. You'll soon forget that you're alone, forget that you're in a strange city, and be immersed in the wonderful literary world of whatever book you're reading.
And when you decide to walk home that night, you'll realize that all of a sudden how freeing it can be to do something familiar in an otherwise new setting. And NO ONE can say you didn't enjoy Paris if you spent all your afternoons reading in cafes, can they?
Oh and one more thing - the other thing that really helped me was developing an interest in art and art history. I was aided by taking an art history course, but you could also go to the library of your university and check out a book or two to get your interest going. Spending an afternoon by yourself wandering around one of Paris's museums is another good way to combat loneliness - again, if you've spent the entire afternoon immersed in beautiful art, you don't have to feel guilty about curling up in front of the TV that night with a glass of cheap wine or a bar of 80% cocoa dark chocolate.
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Give it Some Time
As someone who has spent two years abroad, once in Belgium at 17, then in the UK at 22, the best advice I can give you is to hang in there. One month is no time at all. I really started enjoying myself after 3-4 months. As an adult, I lived abroad for 7 years and have recently moved back to the US. Again, a three-four month period of adjustment was necessary. Don't give up! You're going to have a great time.
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Adventures are not 100% fun
First, just because you thought you'd have the time of your life doesn't mean you will, and that's OK. Lots of things don't turn out exactly the way we hoped or expected.
Second, living in another country is a very emotionally and psychologically challenging experience. I did it for four years. (Brace yourself, reverse culture shock can mess with your head too!) It's not going to fun all the time. The not-fun times are part of the adventure too, and will do just as much to make you worldly.
Congrulate yourself. You took a risk, one many people would never actually take themselves. And this is how it's turning out - it's taking you some time to find your way in the new culture (a month is really not very long).
Give yourself permission to experience the experience as it comes. No fixed expectations. There will be good surprises. You can count on them, though they tend to happen when you least expect them.
(And all those other folks saying they are having a brilliant time during their semester abroad? They could be lying, they could have very narrow and easily satisfied expectations. So don't compare yourself to them.)
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Typical ugly American
I would give anything to be able to spend one hour in the middle of Vienna, Prague, London, or Moscow.
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To edizu's muse
Appreciate your feedback :-). I thought your advice was excellent. I personally would think that if you are a young man/woman studying in just about any major city in Europe, you should be able to find something to do instead of watching TV.
I get the impression that the LW is someone who usually doesn't ever do things alone (like go to the movies, etc.)
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Trust me - it gets better - it gets GREAT
LW -
In 2005, I quit my job to move to France to pursue a graduate degree. I took my dog, left my boyfriend and all my friends and my comfort zone and installed myself in a 3rd arrondissement apartment for the year. I cried and panicked for the first 3 days. I was lonely for the first 2 months and then, it all changed.
I got to know some of the girls in my program. It wasn't easy. It's uncomfortable... but guess what - it was uncomfortable for everyone. Granted, I was 5 years older than when I had studied abroad in undergrad, and there a maturity gap between those times from what I experienced, but at some point, you'll find someone to empathize with you and it snowballs - in a fantastic way.
Ask a classmate out for a glass of wine after class. Why not? You're all together in class, just go together afterwards and talk. We did that. A lot. It became not just a way to meet people but a time to see your friends.
Take the initiative. I presume there are some other people in your program with you. I bet they're in the same boat - even if they seem to hide it better.
Then you'll turn around the day before you leave, crying and panicking all over again b/c you have to go home. My friends from home told me in the first month how that would happen and they were right.
It was the best year of my life. Take advantage of it - put yourself out there - the worst that can come of it is you get to know someone a little better, maybe even yourself.
On a practical note - Craigslist is all over "Europe"
Look for your city and find some postings. Go to a gallery opening. Find a soccer team. GO! I'm so envious!