Letters to the Editor
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You are not blowing it; don't be so hard on yourself
Okay, so I read this and I was so reminded of my experience studying abroad in my senior year of college in Sweden 20 years ago. I was adventurous, entirely adaptable, easy going and happy-go-lucky going into the thing. One-hundred-percent enthusiastic! But, it turned out to be entirely bleak. I was alone socially and the academics weren't any good either. Frankly, the experience was the first huge dark spot in my life.
I became MAJOR depressed. I remember sitting entirely alone in a completely dark northern Sweden on New Year's Eve Day. Not at all good. Upon reflection, I should have gone home in October and simply resurrected my really good prior life -- but that out-of-the-box idea never occurred to me at the time. (Of course, that would have involved some humiliation vis-a-vis the students in the program (most of whom were sort of arrogant), as well as those at home who had championed me for the program.) Nevertheless, the worse choice was the one I made: staying abroad through that year. It only cemented my deep depression.
Following this bleak episode, I went on to law school and did well. For my post-Bar Exam trip, I travelled around the world on my own. That three month trip offered me more insight and inspiration about the world and world cultures than my 10 month study abroad program ever did. And since then, I have happily travelled to many weird and exotic places on my own time and on my own schedule. It is blessed and it is wonderful.
At the end of the day, while in theory I still like the idea of studying abroad -- I rarely hear stories of people that have great experiences. The better times are had AFTER studying -- working or just traveling for a while. Somehow, it just works better that way. The idea of going away to places that are foreign to us is entirely valuable. It will change a person's life forever, and you will cherish every experience. And that, I think, is when you are traveling free. Study abroad programs do not necessarily provide the formula for what you are seeking.
So, give yourself a break. Consider coming home, even. Save the remaining money for a better trip later.
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Had the same problem
I went abroad for a junior year in England - Cambridge yet - and was totally depressed and beating myself up for blowing it much of the time. Still I look back on that experience as one where I learned so much about life and experientially how we become who we are because of our cultures and backgrounds. It doesn't mean it wasn't painful. I also had a hard time making friends with English folk, encountered anti-Americanism, ran up against my own insecurities, etc. and I survived. So will you. And I had a lot of awesome experiences anyways. I got out and went out running every day, went exploring the countryside & took little side trips, did tourist stuff . . . the stuff you're supposed to want to do . . . I gradually made friends with other people, English, Spanish, Scots, whatever, and went to visit them . . . and I took lots of pictures. I suggest journalling and taking a lot of pictures to make a narrative of your life as it's happening, like Cary says, and looking at whatever the struggle of being there is bringing up for you. If you're feeling like an outsider with the host culture, look around for friendly people who are also in school there but not of the native culture, and for other Americans . . . they can help you if you're willing to expose that you have no idea what is going on - I'm sure they feel the same way sometimes. And see not just an advisor, but a counsellor if you feel like you're getting depressed. It's great you wrote & reached out for some help . . . a million times better than sitting around pent up blaming yourself for not enjoying it! I hope you'll get through this and have a great time in the end.
Try to connect with others around you honestly - you'll feel wonderful when you succeed.
best,
Ann
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I'm learning a lot here
The way the LW feels about her semester abroad is how I've felt about my life for the last six months. I love Cary's answer, love most of the response letters, and am making plans to get out and do stuff right now. Thanks for being awesome, Salon letter writers.
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Been there!
LW, I feel your pain.
My junior year of undergrad, I spent a year abroad in Japan. Now, I had studied Japanese for two years beforehand, so I could, uh, kind of "speak," but I got there and it was all just so overwhelming.
But it will be okay. Even if you're suffering from a language barrier, you can make friends and be happy. One of the great lessons of study abroad is that people everywhere are basically the same, on a primal level. Everybody wants to like and be liked. So, do what you do at home... be your likable, vivacious self!
You neglected to tell us what kind of study abroad program you're on. Are you at a college? If you are, I bet there are extracurriculars. Find something you loved at home - Art? Sports? Dance? Politics? Religious study? - and you'll find a corresponding group wherever you are. If you're in a country where English is not the primary language, teach English! I did in Japan, and it made me a lot of friends, and some much needed money, too.
Another suggestion that requires a bit more work but might be worth looking into... does your study abroad program offer host families? I lived with one for my entire year in Japan and absolutely LOVED it... and it's impossible to just "hole up in your apartment" when you're living with a family. Plus, again, if you're learning another language, host families are invaluable...
Travel (if you can afford it)! Like others have said, hostels are a great way to meet people. Plus, if you're already in Europe, you're so close to so many great things to see and do. (As an American, it's drilled into my head that whenever I want to go somewhere that's not Canada, it requires at least an 8 hour flight. That's not true in Europe or Asia. Take advantage of it!)
And last of all, good luck. Hang in there. You're in the middle of culture shock right now. Give it another month, and you'll be having the time of your life, and you won't be able to shut up about it when you finally get home. :)