Letters to the Editor
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like many others here
I can relate to your problem.
I am from Germany and spent three months in London in 2000. I was completely overwhelmed by the city and all the possibilities. I missed my family and friends and the comfort of my routine. I spend most of my time at home watching TV and read 33 books in 12 weeks. I felt like I was missing out, but now looking back on it, I cherish the experience.
2 years ago I moved to Indiana and started grad school here. For the first couple of months I was intimidated by the unfamiliarity and became too dependent on my boyfriend. After a while I realized that I just have to take advantage of people wanting to hang out with me and giving me their numbers. Once I started getting more active, exploring the city and making friends, it got so much easier.
Moving to a different country, even if its just for a while, is often not as easy as expected. But I am sure that if you take Cary's advice, you will get to enjoy your time abroad and look back on it realizing how much you actually learned and experienced.
And for the homesickness get Skype or something similar. It helped me a lot.
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Been there, didn't do that.
You could do what I did: start shoplifting out sheer boredom and loneliness, get busted and then go out for drinks with the security guy who busts you.
With the exception of that one drink, I spent an entire semester in Austria in the laundryroom of my echo-y dorm, high on hash and watching the laundry do fifteen cycles left, fifteen cycles right, water up, water down. I didn't have anything else to do, and stomping around town pretending that I was totally confident and happy to be alone in Europe (Cut to arty montage of the old part of whatever town, cute photo of you trying the street food) got old after, oh, the second week.
I assumed everyone else was listening to chamber music at the prime minister's or counting clouds on the side of a hill with Heidi.
Maybe they were. I don't know. Whatever, you'll go home soon enough. Just make sure you stop shoplifting before you go come and get back to Europe on your terms in the future.
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Find out where the other "abroad" students are
Ever wonder why the foreign students at your domestic school all seem to congregate together despite their seeming differences? Because they're all experiencing the same major life event of being away from home not knowing anyone.
Find others in a similar situation and hang out with them. Try to steer clear of other Americans. Be sociable and friendly, but understand that these people don't have to be your best friends in the world. If you're lucky, you'll establish some life long pen pals, but the more realistic expectation is to find some people with whom you can experience the wonderful culture you've been immersed in, and then likely never see them again. Learn about their cultures, teach them about yours.
I've traveled abroad shortly after university and again in my pursuing my post under grad studies . . . I've had wonderful times and wonderful friends that I've only seen abroad. The relationships may be only relationships of convenience and situation, but that's okay. Once you get comfortable with that concept you'll enjoy your setting a whole lot more.
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Yes you are, but don't beat yourself up!
God, you could have been writing from out of my jounal during my semester abroad. My first 3 weeks were utter misery, and I even considered dropping the program and heading home, despite the money it would lose both my family and my generous department.
I, too, had always pretty much sailed easily through life and been a sunny, happy person (there were some big bumps along the way, but still). Which was why I was completely unequipped to deal with suddenly being unhappy and adrift in a foreign place.
So, first, stop getting angry at yourself, be kind! If you start getting mad at yourself, you just might spiral down into a real, clinical depression. And, as I was saying, it's that you are unprepared, ill-equipped, not that there is something wrong with you or you are being stupid. Second, follow Cary's planning advice, adding structure is one of the best ways to accomplish something every day and rebuild your self-confidence. Finally, once you feel more steady, start being bold and daring. Give yourself new challenges - like talking to stranger in a cafe, or finding the best fish & chips within 1 mile of your home, etc.
Ultimately, I am one of those life-changing experience stories of JYA. Once I got over that first hurdle, things just fell into place and I truly cherish those 6 months.
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Everything you experience is the right thing.
Do I think you should try, once a week or so, to get out and "see" something? Sure. Do I think it's a great tragedy if you're not on a whirlwind tour of Europe? No.
I lived in Japan for awhile. I understand the comfort of holing up at home sometimes. Living in a foreign country makes everything hard, especially if you don't speak the language.
I learned to love the little things. Walking to the local grocery store. Taking pictures of the local squid fleet. Shopping the 100 yen store. These little moments will mean more to you than the tourist moments you think you should be accumulating. Never forget that.
And you do learn, as Cary said, to cope with situations. I was lost--got on the wrong train--in Western Japan not knowing (or reading) the language and all alone. And I made it back. I survived. And so can you.
It's not the tourist "notches" on your belt that make an experience. It's simply understanding that everything about what your experiencing---even the differences in TV---will be memories.
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It's ok to go home
I will always be grateful to my very kind mother when I called her crying from Germany (for the umpteenth time) because I was so lonely in my little flat on my semester abroad. She told me to come home. She told me I was not a failure and she told me everything would be ok. She was right on all three counts. And I was never so happy to get on a plane as I was that time in Munich. My relief was such that the air steward commented on it!
I too am an outgoing, sociable person - always made friends easily and still do. But nothing clicked for me that time in Germany - no matter what I did! It was not meant to be. I worried that if I bailed on Germany it would show that I couldn't stick at anything and I couldn't live abroad. Well, I currently do live abroad and I have been in my current job for 8 years and married for 10. One experience does not define you!
You may still turn this trip around following some of the great suggestions posted here but if it turns out not to be the best experience you ever had - that's ok - you'll learn from that too. If you decide to go home there's no need to feel guilty. You'll just appreciate your family and friends all the more.