Letters to the Editor
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Specifics
Go somewhere every weekend. Get a couple guidebooks and several maps, plus a history book. Plan a long day trip every Saturday, and then stay over until Sunday if you have fun. Plan your routes and meals and stops, and then depart from your plans as you discover more.
Travel by train if possible. Have your map on your lap while you are on the trains, and see where you are.
I wish you had told us where you are. If I knew, I probably could make a number of very specific suggestions for wonderful trips.
Send us a posting, LW. Tell us where you are, and we will respond with lots of great suggestions, and funny stories.
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Hang in there!
LW,
I have been in your exact shoes, and I survived. Basically, you are feeling your worst, yet pressuring yourself to perform socially at your best.
The answer is to stop the pressure. Allow yourself to be in the moment you are in: insanely lonely, sad, homesick, and shaken. Be sad, write it all out in a journal, embrace it, experience it. You are a lonely alienated person far from home. You are in great company. Throughout human history, people have felt exactly this - this sadness, and this personal shame at the wasting of an apparent opportunity.
Feel this sadness to its fullest, and then take tiny steps to make yourself feel better. Could be going to an internet cafe, seeing a film alone, inviting yourself to someone's house, riding on a bus, or confessing your feelings to one local. Could be none of those. You'll know what sounds good to you.
The reasons why you're having a bad time probably don't have to do with you, but with the nature of the people where you are, or the program you came with. On one of my abroad experiences, I was in a country where people were quite open to inviting Americans along, and my program had 20 U.S. students in it so we also had each other. I have been other places where people are more insular and less interested in strangers. Your gender will also influence this.
Even if you feel sad and have a bad time for the whole semester, it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Just experience whatever you're feeling and try to keep learning from it. Remember, a lot of smart and extremely capable people have felt what you're feeling. Good luck!
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Winter Semester Abroad Blues
Oh LW - you're far, far from alone... not sure where you are, but even in the Mediterranean countries January and February are just crappy times of the year to go out exploring. And if you're in Northern or Central Europe, forget about it. Wait a few weeks till the weather improves and save your Euros (if you're in the Eurozone) and stop beating yourself up - things will get better!
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Try some Ex-Pat bars
Wherever you are in Europe I can guarantee you there are lots of other English speakers your age feeling overwhelmed and glum too. So try an English speaking bar and get to know some other travelers. A glass or two of wine is cheaper then a hostel and it’s cool to just hang out at a bar (I’d be hesitant of someone with an apartment who was staying in a hostel just to hang out).
I think the most fun I ever had in Paris was hanging out at an Irish bar with an Englishman who had recently moved to town. Too bad I was just blowing through for a couple of weeks because he was a super dreamy guy! I guess that’s sort of cheating (hanging out with English speakers while abroad) – but to this American girl it was all foreign and exotic and it got me out of the hotel room and talking to different people.
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Reminds me of my first year of grad school in the San Francisco Bay Area
I was terribly lonely, and basically spending my days locked up in my dorm room surfing the Internet. I knew no one in the area, did nothing social, did nothing, period, except for studying. What helped me get out of that was exploring San Francisco. Every weekend, I'd take the train into the city and just walk around. After a while, I knew the city like the back of my hand and could give visiting friends very detailed tours. No, I did not magically meet people and make friends - but just the stimulation of getting out of the house and walking around helped me get out of whatever funk I was in, and I felt better.
LW, try just getting out of the house and taking a walk. Explore the city. Find out what interesting landmarks are in your immediate neighborhood; an interesting statue? A nice cafe? A museum? A bookshop? Spend some time in whatever pleasant location you find - read a book in the cafe, chat to the bookshop proprietor, wander around the museum, whatever. Don't go very far at first; just see what's in your immediate neighborhood. And as you're sitting in that cafe or browsing in that bookshop, do a bit of people-watching; can you understand the local language well enough to figure out what people are saying? Can you spot a local custom that is very different from the way things are done back home?
Oh, and throw out the TV.
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More Free Advice (worth every penny/Euro/Franc Suisse)
Sadly you've arrived at a really bad time for Europe - even the vivid heat and light of Greece is miserable and subdued in miserable January - as for more Northern countries - well it'll help you understand where the urge to colonise came from or even flee to New England.
Some very good advice here, I do wish so much we knew which European country you're in, and what kind of environment.
Just as if someone was writing from the USA, the advice would be very different depending on whether the location was NYC or Lake Woebegone...
I lived for 3 years in the USA, a couple of years in Switzerland and nearly seven years in France, along with shorter periods in Holland and Germany.
The key thing I discovered is to find the club or group that shares your interests. In addition try and play at least one sport, even if you're no good at sports. For instance I turned myself from a novice skier into an OK skier in two intense seasons in Switzerland.
Are you interested in politics? Human rights? Art? Music? Flower arranging!?! Anything at all - do your research and find that club or organisation. People love to welcome new members and as a foreigner you'll have a slightly different perspective to offer, whether you're aware of it or not.
Then there's the time issue - one month isn't really enough for any major life change. As with a new city or a new job or even a new relationship, six months is much fairer test.
Finally a word of warning - as Hemingway shows us in The Sun Also Rises, lots of ex-pats take refuge in each other, and lots and lots of drinking. Nothing wrong with that every once in a while, but a big risk as a lifestyle. Just monitor yourself in that regard.
Best of luck to you and if you are in Briton, enjoy the TV - still the best in the world :-)