Letters to the Editor
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go read in cafes
Hi LW,
Here's a small, low-energy, solitary way to start out if you're too tired and demoralized to go for some of the other good suggestions people have put out here.
Buy yourself a good book, something you're really interested in reading. If you're learning the language of the country you're in (as other people have said, it would really help to know where you are!), consider getting something in that language--not a primer, but a real novel, a local bestseller or prizewinner. Even if you can't understand every word, you'll get better as you go along. If you can't read the language or doing so is too much like work, get a good novel in English.
And then find yourself a pleasant cafe or bar or tearoom or pub or wherever people go in your city that you would feel comfortable sitting and reading alone with a drink, and go there and read for a couple of hours every evening. If you can find a few of these places, so much the better--put them on rotation.
The chances are pretty good that once in a while, someone is going to strike up a conversation with a young woman reading something interesting by herself. And even if they don't, and all you do is sit and read alone, you will be out of your apartment and not watching TV, observing the locals doing their thing in a European cafe. After a while the staff will recognize you (I've been to cafes in Italy where this takes exactly two visits). If there are regulars, they might recognize you too (again, much depends on where you are). And you'll be getting to read some great novels, which is in itself a worthwhile way to spend your time.
It's not exactly making lifelong friends and having tremendous experiences, but when they ask you what you did on your year abroad, "I sat and read in cafes" sure beats "I sat and watched TV in my room." Actually, sitting and reading in cafes is one of my ideas of a great trip.
Good luck. I hope you're somewhere nice. And by the way, if you're looking to pass as Canadian (to pick up on Paul from KY's suggestion here), it's "eh," not "ay." What are we, the pirates of the Hudson Bay?
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Try smaller slices
I've lived and traveled overseas for several long stays in various countries. It's easy to forget how shocking the culture shock can be in the initial stages - and the fact that you want to think of yourself as cosmopolitan probably makes the culture shock feel worse. After all, if you were one of those people who hits McDonald's as soon as they arrive in Paris you would be blaming the host country, not yourself.
Adapting to a new country can be exhausting, especially if you are changing from a rural college campus to life alone in a city, or you've never had to get around via public transportation, or [insert your lifestyle change here]. And learning a new language is also tiring, so give yourself a break there.
In fact, that first month can make you more self-absorbed than you would normally be, as there are a million ways to beat yourself up: your accent stinks, you feel gauche, you're too bouncy for a culture that values dignity, you're too distant for a culture that values warmth. Whatevah. It's easy to feel that you'll never fit in. Remind yourself that it's normal.
Rather than reproaching yourself, get curious. Don't sidle into a shop, wordlessly thrust your purchase and money into the cashier's face, take your change and skulk home. The next time you need to buy something, look at the other people in the store. How do they shop? What do they buy? How do they interact with the store clerks? Now, could you manage a greeting or a thank you in the language of your host country? You don't have to say hello, goodbye, and thank you on the first try. Just pick one interaction you observe and try to make it your own.
As for TV, give yourself one night to watch it. Then make yourself get out of the apartment. Many cities have some weekly publication that lists upcoming events. Pick one you could manage attending alone and make yourself get there. Even if you don't stay, make yourself figure out the route, estimate the travel time and go. Next time force yourself to stay for the entire event.
Another TV tip: use it to build language comprehension and familiarity with the culture. Pick a news program, game show, or other program that you see advertised or hear people discussing. Make a point of watching it and understanding as much as you can. Read about it on the Internet and in the newspapers. Let yourself become a huge fan. The local people might think it's funny, it might give you an insight into the culture, and you might find other fans of the program. The last time I was in *a particular country* in South America (I don't want to name it because it's a clue to my identity - which may also be why LW doesn't want to specify her host country in Europe), I started following one of the popular soaps. It helped me get back into hearing the language spoken at top speed, and it gave me a subject for small talk.
Try not to be too anxious. Remind yourself why you wanted to come in the first place. In some ways, adapting to a foreign culture is like becoming a little kid again, and things are new again for you. Celebrate that and take it easy.
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There is a lot of great
advice on here, some of which might just piss you off as condescending, but that is ok.
I think the depression warning is always worth a note when you aren't you.
But I wanted to say that it is ok not to be having the textbook abroad experience. One student in the group I went abroad with pretty much spent the semester in her pajamas; and, you know, it was what she needed. Came back and made very big waves.
Did this academic term start in January, and will it go till May? Maybe you needed this first period of time to go to class and to go home and self-protectively watch tv. (As several have written here, it is excruciatingly hard work to be somewhere one is not a native speaker, if that is your situation.) Maybe now is the time to do something different. Maybe you will go on watching tv. Fine. Absolutely fine.
I would try to find a new way of entering this scene. I always like the "walker in the city." Be there with your eyes, secondarily with your ears. Look for the sake of looking, expand your perimeter for the sake of exploring. But it is your life, and whatever you do is fine, and not a waste or a disappointment in any sense for which you need to hold yourself accountable or provide an explanation to anyone else.