Letters to the Editor
-
"Together" doesn't have to be forever
Forgive me for posting as an anonymous coward, but I don't care to have my physical attributes associated with my name, for the world to see.
I walk faster than just about anyone, and since I took up racewalking, it's gotten even worse. This, in spite of the fact that I'm female. And short. With short, stubby, chubby legs yet.
But - being female, I realize that if you're walking with someone, you maintain the same pace as them.
However, this doesn't need to be the case when you both are exercising. Then, probably the best way to exercise "with" the other person is to start together and meet up again after you've both finished. Then you can stretch together and discuss your workouts, and head off for a gatorade or something together.
Perhaps the LW and her hurry-up hubby can try this. It would be easier than finding a couple of additional workout buddies.
-
My spouse walks
faster than me, and this has brought on various mutual and one-sided aggravations at times. But I moved to London for an academic semester and went from a car-driver to underground-user/walker lifestyle (2-6 hours a day, everyday, walking and otherwise moving through the city).
When spouse came to visit in the middle of my stay-- voila-- guess who was faster and had amazing stamina?
So, my advice? Ummm, everyone move to the big city and rediscover your legs for something other than recreation, and you will completely reframe this question.-- Amen
-
Dawdling women
A lot of women dawdle. It's a way of controlling their man. The man is required to move at the woman's dawdling gait, to wait outside bathrooms for the woman, to sit in the living room waiting for her to put her face on, to linger in a department store while she tries stuff on. I hate women like that. He should KICK HER TO THE CURB and find somebody with more energy.
-
Salon women are garbage
Yeah, we should uncritically accept anything the LW says, and slam the guy. Dump him! Stab him with ski poles!
Is there any depth of misandry to which Salon women are not equal? It seems to be the only form of equality you are willing to work to achieve.
-
No, really, tell him to fuck off or leave him
Honestly, honey, perhaps it's been said, but for me, this has been a sure-fire trait of abusive men in my life.
-
How I handeled it
My man used to do the same thing, and i agree with someone else here who said it's about him being controlling. That's what's so unacceptable about it.
It's true. Ask him (and yourself) - Why does he give a shit if you walk slow? Really - Why can't you do what you want? What does it matter? That's the point at the heart of the matter.
I ended up telling my man he had two choices. "If it's important to you that we walk together, you can slow down. If it's important to you to keep your own pace, you'll have to be happy keeping it by yourself (as I am). Take your pick, but you can't have both." End of discussion. Rinse. Wash. Repeat if necessary.
As a side note, if it offers any more inspiration to you: he used to get irritable about it and accuse me of acting like "a burqa-clad submissive, forced to walk behind the man" because I always ended up 3 steps behind him. He finally shut up about it when I told him on the contrary, HE was acting acting out that scenario, by insisting on walking ahead and insisting that I walk how HE wants me to. These two strategies worked.
-
He's a show off
Are you impressed with how strong and fast he is? Cos he can't get enough admiration for it. Inferiority complex anyone?
-
DUMP HER!!
Hell, is this woman my ex-wife? Get rid of the whining passive-aggressive harpy. This is about control, pure and simple, and she wants it. "I can't walk faster!!" Total BS. If she can't move her fat ass any quicker, leave her behind. She can move it if she wants to.
-
Get her a gym membership
The husband should get his slow-poke wife a gym membership so she can lose weight and move faster. The idea that women are not as fast as men is just not true. Marathon times for women are within a few percentage points of men's. In most sports, women have been closing the gap with men in terms of performance. For the LW to argue that women are the weaker sex is absurd in this day and age. If she chooses not to slim down and work on her athleticism, he should DTMFA.
-
Astounding
It is astounding how unimportant this is but how many people saw it necessary to contribute and comment (myself included; I skimmed most of the responses). I'm sure it is very improtant for letter writer, but why is it so compelling for the rest of us?
-
My wife walks slower than me.
My wife walks slower than me. We tried to figure out ways to handle this when backpacking or engaging in strenuous physical activities. Me leaving her too far behind made me feel anxious even though she insisted that she preferred it that way. But, me slowing down to her pace and walking with her seemed for some reason to make us BOTH anxious in conditions in which we expected to be engaged in strenuous activity (I guess because we both knew it wasn't doing that for me). And, even after I had learned to reconcile myself to engaging in a liesurely stroll while my wife huffed and puffed away at whatever pace she wanted, she remained anxious about "slowing me down" despite my honest insistence that I was enjoying myself.
But I don't think I ever made her feel like I thought she was lying or trying to walk slower than me. If I did make her feel that way, I'm fairly sure that it wasn't because of anything I meant to say and also reasonably sure that she would agree with me about that (I look forward to asking her about this). So, I would concur with those posts above that interpret the husband as being more than a little insensitive of the letter writer (but I'm not sure that I would agree with those posters who indict the letter writer's own motives; on that I'm simply agnostic).
Well, anyway... my wife and I stopped backpacking together, and we also stopped pretending that we ought to exercise together only because of the notion that we're "supposed" to enjoy doing things like that together. We still walk places together fairly frequently, but almost always at her pace holding hands and usually happy (except when we're trying to catch a train or a plane or whatever). But we now only do our walking together with the expectation that we are NOT trying to engage in a physically strenuous activity together. In fact, we're both a lot happier NOT exercising together. So, Cary, if my empirical experience is at all applicable to others, I would have to agree with your advice. And I therefore say "right on!" (and the same to a bunch of you other letter writers).