Letters to the Editor
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Good advice, but don't stop there
I agree with Cary that if your husband picks on you about the way you ski, you simply shouldn't ski with him anymore. However, he also picks on the way you WALK -- and you can't exactly not walk with him anymore, can you? And be honest. How does he feel about the way you drive? The way you eat (or what you eat)? The shows you want to watch on TV? Et cetera. Carefully examine your life, because it is probably time for some marriage counseling.
You deserve a husband who does not constantly criticize you!!!
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In a way reminds me of my ex
He always thought I was walking behind him for some reason, but all it was was that he walked too fast for me. Oh well, I think Carey is right - marriage doesn't mean you have to do EVERYTHING together. He does sound a little overly competitive, though.
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Bringing up the rear ...
Cary, I like your mumbo jumbo. I like your advice too. They meld nicely most of the time.
That said, I'd like to address the part of this person's too-fast-husband problem that applies to him walking five steps in front of her, making her trot like a child to keep up or risk getting left behind. This is more than rude. It's controlling. He's showing her in a mean -- and petty -- way, how superior to her he thinks he is. She needs to pay close attention to this behavior on his part, and also on hers in accepting it. Marriage counseling? Sounds smart.
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Longer legs?
He might be walking at the same pace, but if he's taller, that would make him move more distance, therefore faster. That might be why he thinks you're walking slow on purpose. He doesn't realize you're walkinga at the same pace but on shorter lets.
For example, a Great Dane walking next to a Chihuahua...
Either way, he shouldn't be such an ass about it. I mean, of all the things to complain about.
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The Wayne Newton Cure
Play him the Wayne Newton song, "Daddy Dontcha Walk So Fast." If it doesn't bring him to tears and make him slow down for you, dump him.
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Take separate vacations
Sounds your husband is a Type-A (similar to my partner, except my partner doesn't critize me) and I'm much more laid back which in my case means I'm not competitive. I'm into gardening and wildlife, so when we go for a walk in the woods close to our house, my partner power walks or runs ahead while I look at plants, trying to remember their latin names (Oh, did I mention I'm a geek too?) We vacation together as well as separately, so we both get what we need. The worst vacation we ever had was a rafting trip down the Colorado River - she wanted to go into the rapids and I realized that not only am I'm not an atheist, but I'd rather be at the local botanical museum. I hope you find a solution that works for both of you.
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Sometimes I'm the fast walker
I think I'm like the LW's husband a little bit. When I'm walking with my husband or mom, I often find myself a few paces ahead of them. It's not intentional, I think I just walk faster. I used to even occasionally get annoyed at this, but I haven't in a long time. Usually we're in leisurely surroundings, at the mall or park, and there's no real reason to speed around. It wasn't their problem, it was mine. I just had to slow down a little bit! It's kind of like driving in heavy traffic - you can' go as fast as you want, there's no getting around traffic. You just have to adjust your speed to go with the flow.
This problem is even more pronounced in my mind than with my body. Sometimes I think at hyperspeed, especially if I'm excited or have some anxiety about something. I used to work with a guy who was exactly the opposite. He thought very slowly, he paused to consider things, he would never make a rash decision. Whenever I had to ask him a question, I literally had to take a moment to slow myself down or else I would annoy him and myself and not come close to getting the answer I wanted.
In order to practice this, I recommend renting and watching Kurosawa's Dreams. It's an incredibly beautiful and incredibly SLOW movie. YOu have to almost do yoga breaths to get through it, but it's a great experience.
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Bullies
Sounds like your husband has a touch of the bully in him. It happens, doesn't mean he's a bad person. But he won't "get it" or respond to reasoning in areas where he's just kind of being a jerk. So it's time--and the time always comes with people like this--for you to make it very, very clear what's okay with you. It goes like this:
"Listen, I love you. But do not, Do Not, bug me about this again. It's bullshit. This conversation is over. Do not tell me how to move again."
I don't think you've done this, just drawn the line utterly. You can't always persuade or convince people to quit a hurtful behavior by explaining all the reasons it's not working. But you can say No, firmly. It's an instruction, not an act of bargaining. Instruct him in no uncertain terms the next time it comes up. End of conversation.
Some people who carry on like big dummies for years have just never had someone tell them with great conviction to cut that shit out. They need to hear it. You need to say it.
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wow... talk about turning the tables on the posters... here is my advice...
Become his biggest fan! Tell him you love him but simply can't compete with him because he is to athletic but that you find it really sexy. Encourage him to constantly increase his speeds and always keep track of his times and whoop and holler every time he beats his previously best. Smile and cheer and be happy for him. I don't think you're going to be a competitive exercise partner but I bet you sure can fill the role of biggest an and supporter. Brag about him and how proud you are of his athletic endeavors. He'll love it. As for you're exercise needs, find some girlfriends to exercise with and have fun.