Letters to the Editor
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E-mail and Writing
I've been wanting to say this after reading many of your letters. 1) Email is a terrible way to communicate and a terrible way to maintain a relationship - especially a long distance one. For some people, it generates misunderstandings and miscommunications that are impossible to correct. Nothing replaces speaking to a person. 2) Writing is also a precarious way to communicate. Here is my rule of thumb. Love letters are always successful. Letters of admonishment neve work. This is because you have no control over the written word once it has left your keyboard. Many of us think it is more exact than the spoken word and can set the record straight. In truth, it is quite the opposite. One has only to think of the many interpretations of the Bible and the blood spilled over the written word to understand this. So in love and in many other types of relationships, nothing replaces real dialogue. And e-mail is the saddest form of communication that has ever plagued humanity.
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the advice column as 'snooze bar'
The appeal of the Cary Tennis column escapes me; long-winded essay-length responses in a seemingly coddling personal style. Can someone explain the entertainment value of this? (And no I'm not seeking Dr. Laura) If the writing/advice was any good I'd tune out by the half-way point, but it's not. It's catalog-ic, rambling, uninsightful, undynamic, unengaged writing. I continually lose interest after maybe three sentences. And really the essay is my favorite format... until I get to this page.
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"When things are hard for me, I become impatient, brutish, whiny and overbearing and impossible to deal with. Ugh."
And things are always hard for you.
Ugh is right A-hole.
Go here, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqSiLL8U3vo&feature=related and listen to "Burning Bridges" by the Mike Curb Congregation sung over the closing credits of "Kelly's Heroes".
It'll feed your sense of drama while making your maladaptive, self-involved, negatively manifested narcissism seem heroic.
Unfortunately it's not. It's simply anger directed towards the people who aren't tuned in to the fact that you're the Protagonist of the World.
It's tough dealing with those blind bastards who can't see or refuse to admit your inner greatness.
When that happens you need to get right in their faces and scream "Acknowledge Me!"
Yor're handling it just fine. Keep it up, only child.
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Cary, I'm glad you're not the corporate button-down type
Many are familiar w the story of the woman carrying water to her home everyday in 2 clay pots.
One pot had been cracked in several places. The other pot was perfect without cracks therefore not leaking any water.
On the side of the path where the woman carried the cracked pot, many flowers had grown for they were watered daily by leakage from the cracks.
I'm so glad you are not the perfect clay pot, Cary.
"Cracked pots' possess the imagination and understanding for other dimensions where life and circumstances were not perfect.
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@Reilly
You make an interesting point. It seems like once one moves into the realm of using words like those ("brutish, whiny," etc.), the situation has stopped being reasonable. If someone else used those words to describe him, they aren't being reasonable. If he used those words without being prompted, he's not being reasonable. Those words don't really mean anything.
But "Protagonist of The World." This is letter (92). He's already come by and stated his case. Your letter (and the other 91) suggest he's the world's something. I don't know if I'd say he's a "protagonist" (sounds more like he just needs to stop being so hard on himself), but you're obviously The Authority, so why not take your word for it? "Protagonist" it is.
<3
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Been to the desert on a horse with no name
Strange, I'm going through the same crisis right now as the LW. Many other replies to his letter seem to denote the same thing. Carey's answer helped me a lot. I hope it helps the LW.
Here's my take on it: Everyone has their limits. Sometimes friends and lovers take (or steal) too much from your plate. And sometimes, you have to know when to stick a fork in it...
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Heh.
LW: Dear Cary, I'm kind of an a-hole.
Cary: Hey, I'm an a-hole, too. Isn't it annoying?
Reilly: Man, you're such an a-hole.
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@ flatent re: appeal of Cary's long-winded responses
An informal poll of 100 Since You Asked-reading adults indicates that 97% read less than ten lines of Cary's response before jumping to the readers' letters, most of which they will read in their entirety. It's so NOT about Cary's prose.
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--Anonymous@10:54 AM
No I'm not The Authority, I'm just a commenter, although admittedly my comment was given in a fairly unequivocal and straight-forward way.
But that's precisely how I viewed this.
Besides the quote I highlighted in subject line of my previous post, here is how PTM describes his relations with others:
"Most of (a number of long, solid relationships with friends)have now fallen apart at the seams due to my own Neanderthal behavior."
"... when things got tough, she withdrew and I started bugging her..."
It bothers me, though, that I brought the situation on by being, once again, overbearing and needy and confrontational.
The effort to stop my habits of being so hard to deal with are frankly making me pretty hard to deal with.
Not to mention the title of his letter:
I'm acting like a monster so my friends are deserting me
Not only is he clearly the one acting on and destabilizing his relationships, he clearly knows this to be the case.
Whereas you think it "sounds more like he just needs to stop being so hard on himself", I take him at his word and believe he has identified the cause of his problems as his own behavior which I characterized previously as "maladaptive".
The question from my standpoint then is this; Is he unable or simply unwilling to adapt to behaviors which would encourage rather than discourage relationships?
Personally, I believe he is simply unwilling. An unwilligness which stems from a "negatively manifested narcissism", as I previously stated. No where in his writing did he allude to any other influencing force as a cause for his current crises. He never even infers that his friends are overreacting.
As far as my use of "Protagonist of the World", I was, of course, referring to his world.
The definition of protagonist - the main character in a drama -seems perfectly fitting for someone who says of himself; "Drama is kind of my natural state of being."
Sometimes being cognizant enough of ones' own negative behaviors to speak openly about them isn't so much a cry for help as it is just another way to keep the drama and attention on oneself, to continue the self love and narcissism which is driving the personality.
Anonymous, I liked the tone of your reply to my post (the mild snark about The Authority wasn't a problem) and that's why I wrote this. But I think the hard-edged and facetious style of my previous post cuts more to the heart of the matter.