Letters to the Editor
-
*
"the only time I deliberately cut off a freind (as opposed to just growing apart) was after serious thinking where I decided freindship with her drained me of lifeforce rather than energizing me like a freindship should."
was that a friend or a romantic partner? because if it was a romantic partner, that's how it works. that's why people get married - "we don't like each other anymore so we may as well get busine$s like." otherwise, maybe it was protocol? sometimes people cut of all contact because of things like extra-marital affairs, etc.
if it was just a friend, i'm sure they felt the same way about you. the key there is "she drained my lifeforce rather than energizing it." looks like old fashioned blame casting to me.
-
People tend to walk all over guys like the LW.
LW's hardly a doormat. He refers to himself as brutish a number of times. He's more the pusher than the pushed.
My advice to LW is to humble yourself by volunteering at a hospital for needy sick children. Get out of your head, realize how lucky you are and stop needing to receive when you're so able to give.
-
$
your first letter shows a lot of bitterness, you can't objectively see it, but we can and we feel for you, but know that shadows your perceptions of this situation.
Like that all 3 exes are crazy, yeah, its not you.
someone said, if the same thing keeps happening, you need to look at the common element in all of those relationships: you.
you like LW, need to cut the ropes. GF is gone. Divying up the old bills should take a hour, not weeks. No wonder she gets stressed when you call her at work. It's scary when an ex calls you at work yelling about money. She's gone. Let go and stop calling her.
Nah - this is bulls**t (especially the "we" nonsense). I'm nothing like LW. I have my days (everybody does), but this illustrates my point pretty well. You just took everything I said out of context. I covered all that (the "bitterness" remark, "only lets me call at work" - I remember the day she shouted from her cubicle "You have plenty of ways to get in touch with me!!!" Uh uh) This is exactly what I'm talking about. Lame.
In terms of all of them being crazy - no way! I'm sure I contribute as much as they do. That was my point - you live and you learn or you spend all day politicizing it. This guy's pointing way too much blame at himself (been there, done that). I mean, how would you know how long it takes to straighten out bills? (It took much longer, so no, what you said isn't true at all.) How would you know if this happened 6 months ago or 6 days ago ("stop calling" - again, lame) This is that thespian/psychological abuse stuff I was talking about. Thanks for illustrating my point.
-
maybe the LW is a really nice guy and got bullied?
Maybe the LW is a really nice guy and got bullied by a bunch of assholes
How many people actually describe themselves in the way the LW does?
Sounds to me that his self esteem has been shattered by a bunch of mean people.
If he really was a Monster he'd have never have written the letter to Cary in the first place.
I am with the LW
LW: dump those people and find a nicer bunch.
-
LW, you're alright and your friends are wrong...
Okay, I understand that you're high maintenance and have a tendency to go from spaced because of your hectic life to needy and inclined to give friends, fam, and SO no space, but...
I think you need to stop beating yourself up and I also think you're friends are wrong to treat you the way they have.
First, I think that you are who you are. Everyone has quirks and character flaws. No one is perfect, and that's okay because its our imperfections that allow us to learn wisdom and grace. But just like you aren't perfect, neither are your friends. True friends are supposed to accept that about us, or at least get over us being irritating pretty quickly. LOL
Second, your friends should not have basically dumped on you for something that was really none of their business. You and your ex-girlfriend aren't married, so short of you emotionally harrassing her or beating her @ss on a regular basis, there is no reason for your "friends" to give you the cold shoulder in favor of her.
What you need to do is say "f*ck them!" Not forever, but just for now. Let them come back to you. That's how you'll know if they are real friends. I personally think yours is a case of group dynamics gone wrong. Every once in a while in a clique the group picks one of its members to dump on. You get to guest star as Dumpee.
Personally, if I were you, I'd have a problem with the fact that just because I fouled up my romantic relationship that I lost friends over it, especially since you were friends with these folks BEFORE you started going out with your ex.
I also get the impression that you are used to playing the artsy fartsy f*ckup, and so its easier for you to absolve your friends of treating you badly even though you don't warrant it.
I'm glad you have at least 2 friends who have your bad. I personally prefer to have fewer friends b/c they are 1. forgiving of my personality quirks, and 2. are less inclined to do this kind of cliquish b.s.
Stay strong against peer pressure and good luck finding a girlfriend who doesn't run from passionate men. :)
-
good early advice: "don't let your friends all be from one circle"
that happend to me once. My fiance broke up and I found myself without a 'gang' cuz they were all his freinds. They didn't dump me cuz I did anything wrong, he broke up. They jsut had to choose (they did, it was all too sad) and they chose their friend, not his ex--perfectly understandable).
but I was left with no support system. so I went about cultivating freinds. took classes, found folks with simliar interests and made sure I had a diverse varity of friends to relfect my different interests and to fill different needs (adventure, advice, etc).