Letters to the Editor
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The Monster is fed by Distance and Online Communication
Cary's advice is okay, but he overlooks a key element: this happened with an online, long distance relationship.
Online communication can be a major amplifier of all our worst tendencies.
It's mostly text and it's far harder to read intent and tone. You are reacting in complete isolation from the other person. This leaves you free to assume and say things you'd wouldn't in person or even on the phone (which can also create misunderstandings). Misunderstanding are a big risk, especially when you are upset.
Text is also a physical record. A freakout which exists in memory and gossip can still damn you, but can be healed with apologies and actions and the fading of time. A documented freakout can be worse as it's a record against any attempt to fix it.
Plus nothing can make ordinary desperation seem insane than multiple voicemale messages, emails, IMs, etc.
Which brings me to the other issue - a long distance relationship is a social monster trap. It's mostly absence and risks a variety of distortions, fantasies and excess emotions. Yes, some work in various ways, but many implode due to a lack of physical context.
Again what might seem like ordinary rancor in person can become something terrible when the participants are semi-strangers remote from each other.
Plus if you are getting older, are temperamental and have a stressful worklife, it is very easy to overinvest in a relatiohnsip with someone who isn't there. For needy people it's often easier to have a healthy perspective when you see the objects of your anxiety in the flesh.
So yes, you probably did act like a monster and need to work on that, but realize the situation probably made you seem and feel more monstrous than you are.
In the future, date people who live where you do and, more importantly, keep you online behavior under tight restraint. You'll be amazed at how much more sane you feel.