He said he went along with it thinking it would get him laid.

So the only question is: By you, or by her?

Because if he was talking about you, and he thought your watching him be all sexy with someone else would get you into a frisky mood -- well, that's kind of endearing in a clumsy kind of way.

But if he was talking about her? Then you've got bigger problems than the feeling of being disrespected. In fact, you may want to revisit that whole monogamous relationship thing you think you have with him.

This sounds like a situation two 18 year olds who just started dating would have. I find it hard to believe that two adults who have been together long enough to be married, have kids, divorce, and later get back together are playing such petty jealousy games and then having drawn-out fights over it. It sounds like the LW doesn't know this man very well which is pretty sad at this point in their relationship.

I guess I have no advice or wisdom to offer other than maybe the LW should assess why she's in this relationship again. And ask herself if she hasn't gained enough wisdom over the years to know when to get out of a bad situation.

Did you call Dawson or Pacey with your righteous indignation?

It's very simple. He's your boyfriend, and she's his ex. You can take that as a compliment, treat him as a trophy (that acts up from time to time), and gloat that she got a grind with him but you went home with him...

... or you can whine until you become his ex, also.

My advice: say, one time and only one time, "this bugged me until I realized that I was the one who took you home - not her. I will not bring this up again."

(I might be right, and I might be wrong. But, this is one guy's perspective on the matter. Do you want to take the chance that it's his perspective, also? Put it behind you.)

How can he admit you were disrespected and say you're blowing the whole thing out of proportion? Because he's guilty and trying to get out of trouble. And probably covering up for the fact that he was jealous himself of you dancing with those other people, and the typical immature response to that is to do it back to you but worse, hence the sexy dancing. But that would be admitting vulnerability and he can keep the upper hand in his manipulative games better if he makes you seem like you're overreacting. Because this way you've been honest with your feelings and he hasn't had to admit to feeling jealous, so he wins. Or something.

In short, this guy's got the immaturity level of the 23 year old, if not less so. And if being married, having children, divorcing, moving on to new relationships, and reconciling, all these life experiences haven't matured him, I'm thinking this is as far as he'll ever get. Do you really want to spend your life dealing with this kind of crap? Being disrespected every time he has some issue?

of David Beckham splaying his ballsac in front of us while trying to read? That underwear is so tacky!

Sorry for veering off topic.

I think Cary's answer was spot on. Yes, the guy sounds woefully immature, but that doesn't mean it's hopeless. I applaud the couple for at least trying to work things out, since they have kids together. The two just need to learn how to be honest with their emotions together and some basic ground-rules of respect.

"Boyfriend?"

These people have children together and live intimately together, and they consider themselves girlfriend and boyfriend? And then "boyfriend" has some other woman's hands all over him in order to make "girlfriend" jealous, as some kind of cruel joke?

Well, I guess in this situation we can forget the whole concept of "family." Family? What's that?

Maybe boyfriend will give girlfriend a "steady pin," like kids used to do in high school. Maybe he'll give her his letterman's jacket to wear. Maybe he'll take her to the prom. Maybe he'll let her sign his high school yearbook.

Cary recommends Myers-Briggs and "couples therapy." I think that only works with adults. But these people are children. Unfortunately they are children who have had children.

But the terminology is quite correct. Boyfriend and girlfriend are not man and woman; they are boy and girl. They don't need couples therapy; they need to talk to a pediatric psychologist. They may be 20, 30, or 40 years old, but they need pediatric counseling, not adult counseling.

"Let's make your girlfriend jealous"

That is so silly. And stupid. And immature.

His response to this was bizarre. It sounds as if you just need one thing: A grown man.

Good luck LW! Hang in there, they do exist.

Yep, guys can be dumb. I'm reluctant to get into a whole psychological thing over this, though. It was a stupid thing for your partner to do. It was disrespectful. But short of hashing out his entire psyche with a therapist for the next nine years, I think what you've got to do is what you've basically already done: give him shit, so he knows it hurts.

Now maybe you didn't make it clear that it hurt. If Cary is right about you, maybe you explained your hurt in an intellectual way, a way that wasn't as simple and straightforward as it could have been. So say, "It hurt me, I don't know why you'd ever want to do that."

That's the plain facts. He should respond to that. And I think he will. He's a long time boyfriend who knows and loves you. He fucked up for silly reasons. Let him know and then let him off the hook.

It's obvious why it didn't work out in the first place. Leave him. There are lots and lots and lots and LOTS of fish in the sea.

Please. It's such not a big deal. Yell at him and then let it go.

And BTW - what a freaky relationship. I think both of you are little off. Married, kids, then divorced, now "boyfriend/girlfriend"?

You both sound self-absorbed.