It takes time to get adjusted to a new place. Meeting people, once you are out of school, is very difficult, especially if you move someplace where you do not have an existing social network to tap into.

It can be very lonely, when you don't know the ins and outs of a particular place. Even in a big city. This may surprise a lot of people, but when I was living in San Francisco, it took me a bit to find the places that I thought were cool and fun. You'd think in a place like that everything is just out there... but even in SF it took time to find the things I wanted to do. Eventually I adjusted, and found a niche.

The niche exists in your suburb. Lots of rich people have cool interests and hobbies. I'm not sure what you're into... art? I bet you some people have studios in their garages or sheds. I bet there are art history professors in your neighborhood. Dance? I'm sure there are dance studios around. Or maybe your neighbors through Israeli dance parties or something. Punk rock? Lots of yuppies have bands featuring the music of their youth. Gourmet cooking? You can DEFINITELY find gourmet cooks in suburban homes.

Go get to know your neighbors. REALLY know them. They probably won't tell you about their naked shamanic drum circles the first time you meet. But I bet you a lot of them are into some funky stuff!

It's typical advice but you do have to follow your heart on this one, LW. I have two friends who were faced with similar dilemmas (minues the pressure of the falling housing market as it was a few years ago)--one sold the house and fled back to the city in less than a year and considers it the best decision they ever made; the other stayed in the suburbs, and stayed, and stayed and is continuously depressed, anxious and unfulfilled, feels like they "sold out", etc etc.

Really, get out now before the housing market in your region really tanks. If you have to, beg your wife. Because these feelings will not go away, they may only get worse with time. And having kids will not solve it, it will only make you feel more trapped.

My husband and I are long-term renters in Manhattan; I know, many will mock us for "throwing away" our money, but we are happy with our rent-stabilized apartment; we know we can move at any time; we have no fears about the housing market; and we are not saddled with an insane mortgage or an over-inflated million-dollar one bedroom apartment. And get this: we are raising THREE children in the city, and sending them to PUBLIC SCHOOL. Can you imagine?!?!? Okay, we're lucky to live in a good school district, and in some urban areas that is tough to pull off (I know it is hard in Philadelphia, for example). Anyway, yes, there are tradeoffs--less space, no backyard, yadda yadda. But we don't have a mortgage, a car, not do we have to spend weekends fixing up the house, mowing the lawn, etc.

Sounds like you already know what you want to do, LW...now convince your wife.

why anyone would think throwing your hands up and popping out a couple of kids for lack of anything else to do is some sort of solution, or a magical declaration of maturity and responsibility.

If anything, it's reactionary and selfish. And if you follow this boneheaded advice, ten years from now, not only will you be stuck in a house you hate, you'll be chained to it by the combined weight of school systems, soccer teams, parents' groups, kids' friends, and all-consuming middle-aged inertia.

Life is too short. Figure out what will make both you and your wife happy, sell the house, and live the life you want.

I work in NYC and come home to the burbs every night. When I pull in my driveway there is usually a bunny or two nibbling on the grass. They look so funny hopping away in a grey furry panic - like they don't see me single every day!

In the backyard there is a koi pond that I dug myself one spring years ago. I love to sit by it in the warm weather and drink tea. Every now and then an American bullfrog adopts it and at night I can hear him making that frog noise while he's cruising for chicks.

The birdfeeder is visible from my window.

I hardly know my neighbors, but the interactions we have are good. I enjoy sitting by my fireplace in the winter and reading a good book.

I also like to cook in my nice kitchen with the granite countertops which are impervious to damage.

Life in the burbs is what you make it my friend. Where some see mindless homogeny, others find peace and comfort.

While a lot of people criticize new urbanists for the “manufactured” communities, those same people (such as DPZ [Duany Plater-Zyberk] the designers of Seaside) are frequently HUGE proponents of urban redevelopment. Urban redevelopment makes sense from so many standpoints - environmental, land use, etc - I’m not even going to argue it right here.

Regarding new neighborhood development, well, at least new urbanists are trying to find a solution to the problem. Yes, there is a problem - and it’s not just the “soullessness” of the suburbs. Although I personally prefer the design of these communities to traditional suburbs, there are other, less subjective issues at play here. It’s the surburban high-water-use, high-pesticide-use lawns. (New urbanism promotes indigenous vegetation). It’s the long commutes contributing to global warming. It’s the lack of undeveloped land for wildlife species, for groundwater filtration, for storm water runoff, and for human enjoyment. And frankly, it’s the rampant development of former farmland which may one day become a homeland security issue. (I never have seen this particular issue in the media… Salon editors?)