"Stupid is not one reckless decision, but a way of not seeing things." Thanks, Anonymous

Did you give ANY thought to what you were doing? I got news for you, Dude: That ain't the American dream! And how interesting that you are so well fixed financially that you can afford to suck up $50,000 in a loss to be miserable some place else. Hmmm.

No sympathy for the materialistically challenged.

So you made a mistake--big deal. Wait until spring, and if you still want to move, and your wife agrees, then just move. My sister did the same thing you did (although she was single): she bought a house in the suburbs, moved there, and a month later realized she hated it. So she sold the house, took a loss, moved back to the city, and lived happily ever after. My sister-in-law did something similar: bought house in suburb (with husband +2 kids), then realized she loathed the suburbs, and eventually sold the house and moved to POrtland, where eventually they all found a little more happiness. It's no big deal to make a mistake, or to take a loss you can afford. But houses sell a lot better in May than in February, so your wife is also right: give it a few more months. Then take your loss and find a place both of you can love.

I used to live in a standard beige suburban subdivision. I lived there for 4 years and knew none of my neighbors, although I recognized which car belonged to which house because that's all I ever saw--cars. Cars driving out in the morning, cars driving back in at night. If people were outside, they were in their backyards, and who could blame them really, you couldn't walk to anything except another dead end cul-de-sac dotted with nearly identical homes. It was miserable and lonely, but I didn't realize fully why until we moved to a new urbanist neighborhood designed to be walkable and to promote interaction among neighbors.

My neighborhood is pedestrian oriented, filled with pocket parks, every home has a porch, and many shops, restaurants, and services are in easy walking distance. This means people are always outside walking, which means they meet their neighbors. I know every neighbor not just on my street, on EVERY street. We have social events--organized and casual-- constantly. I am never bored and never lonely. I always have someone (actually a list of around at least 30 of my neighbors) to call to water my plants and watch my house when I'm away. There is a true sense of community here unlike anything else in my experience and I never plan on leaving. I don't live in a tiny condo either (not that there's anything wrong with that), I live in a 2500 sq foot single family home in a pedestrian neighborhood within suburbia. And I'm a gardener. A big one. Although my lot is only 4500 sq feet, you would be amazed what fits.

Take it from someone who's actually in a position to know: New Urbanism works.

if you hate the suburbs, leave. Trying to make the best of it can be soul-killing. As for the advice to have kids while you hate your life? wow, that usually makes things worse.

Can you afford to lose $50k? hopefully, talk to a financial advisor. Plus, as other posters have noted, other homes have also lost value so you may not really be worse off other than losing a big mortgage. Get something smaller and more suited to your tastes or better yet, consider renting for a couple of years and see where you want to live. I'm a housing bear and think housing prices have a long way to fall yet. Check out patrick.net for lots of articles and links on what's happening with housing (and the economy).

But, as others have noted, also take the time to figure out what you want.

What makes you happy? what makes your heart sing?

Figuring your life out will take time. Also consider seeing a good counselor (you may have to try a few before you get the right fit). The reflection and soul-searching is often disconcerting, even wrenching, in the short-run but in the long run offers a much more satisfying life. At least in my experience.

Good luck!

I grew up on a farm where we couldn't see our closest neighbor. And I've lived for 20 years in the middle of Manhattan. I lived in the suburbs a couple times for about 15 minutes, which is all the time I can stand them. I despise them. Like the LW, every time I laid down to sleep I thought I'd never wake up again. Despicable, soulless, centerless, nowheresvilles. They should all be torn down.

McMansions and Starter Castles seem to be everywhere, but the majority of people live in much more modest houses or in apartments.

My son is 15 and he says there are two basic types in his high school - "rich" and "snobby" kids that live in the McMansions, and hip-hop or gangsta wannabes who live in poor sections of town, basically. We live in the middle and I have no problem with that.

When I grew up as a kid in 1950's and 60s America, the really rich were isolated and the vast majority of people mixed well as blue and white collar workers. Now we have the McMansion people thinking they are "rich" and our country continues to become more divided. It's a shame.

We just moved from very urban Paris, France to Austin, TX where the new urbanization is just starting. No family sized apartments or condos...yet. So we moved to a neighborhood very close to downtown, but it's not the same.

My son, who just entered high school observed, "No wonder all the kids drink, there is nothing to do on the weekends." Some kids meet at THE MALL. It is impossible for teens to just meander around and experience whatever comes their way. They are sheltered from the realities of the homeless, the elderly, and other non-wealthy, non-family types.

For my whole family, urban living was much more suitable.

Hope that helps.