Wipe your tears with some $50 bills and get on with your life, bud.

You need some perspective, badly.

Whether or not "new urbanism" will save your soul, let's talk about saving your sanity.

You seem freaked out, but rational. Let's talk rationally about your freaking out.

You've moved from tiny to big, from urban to suburban. Things are different, unfamiliar, out of your routine. That's disturbing to you. I completely understand.

That does not, however, mean things are "bad." You are not yet familiar enough with them to make that value judgement.

I lived in apartments for 15 years. I just bought my first house last year. It makes me uncomfortable, nervous and unhappy once in awhile. I don't like the burden, the responsibility, the lawn, the nosy neighbors, the repair work, the strain on my finances.

But, I think of it as an experiment. I don't believe I'm a "home owner" type of person, but I don't know for sure. I've lived in apartments so long, am I simply conditioned to something else entirely?

I'm giving it time. Two years to not hate it and then re-evaluate. I need perspective, and, in my panicked, freaked-out, unhappy, "what have I done" state, I lacked perspective.

You, too, need to give yourself perspective. Forget the housing market and loses and hits to the finances. Breathe. Make a plan. Stay a least a year. Find things that you like. Find things that you don't like. Don't cling to one or the other for an "answer." After a year, say to yourself, "Self, do I have perspective yet? Do I need more time?"

Work forward from there. Remember, your old life may have just been habits you were used to. See if the problem is really how bad this current life is . . . or just how different it is from the old one.

Find perspective to make that choice. Perspective takes time.

but it's because I recognize that I gave up some of the luxuries living in the burbs can offer -- mostly SPACE. My husband, teenager and I made a conscious decision to stay in our 1,000 sq ft home in-town even though we could have a much bigger place if we moved to the burbs. I work with a lot of people who drive 60-90 min each way and I wouldn't do it for a million bucks a year. I get antsy if five cars are in front of me at a red light. Anyway, why do you need all that space? I would probably just fill it up with unnecessary stuff.

The burbs:

Cons: Everyone says "good schools." What I realized is, this actually means "predominantly white schools." That is not an option for us, since we want a diverse school for our child.

Sense of security: Is the sense of perceived security linked to fear of "others," whether it be racial, homophobic, or class-related? Advertising in real estate often plays on this fear. I got online and discovered that our in-town neighborhood actually had FEWER crimes than three popular suburban areas.

Pros: Suburban communities can make some people feel safe because they are shy or loners. There is nothing wrong with that. Not all of us are cut out for the bustling city streets.

Suburbia doesn't have to be boring. Ever seen "Weeds?"

In town:

Obviously, closer to culture. Any museums, major parks, downtown, etc are only a short drive away. Plus I am 2.5 mile from work.

Notice I said "only a short drive." It seemed like we'd walk everywhere but guess what? We usually end up driving because our huge city suffers from such suburban sprawl. It is highly likely that our trip to the grocery club, Old Navy, post office, etc is either too far to walk or is along a busy highway that's not safe to walk.

I tend to agree with the Give it Time crowd. A few months is probably too soon to decide to move again. In the meantime you could try to be philosophic: Wherever you go, there you are.

How is this a hard question?

You don't like it. Talk to your wife and tell her you don't like it. Decide where you both would like to live.

Decide at what price you can afford to sell your house. Put your house on the market for slightly more than that. It will take some time to sell in this market, but it will sell eventually.

Wait it out.

When you get a contract the house that you can live, start looking for houses in the area you've chosen.

Holy cow, rarely have I read such a perfect call-and-response in any column on any subject. Well done, Cary!

My wife and I were almost on the same boat -- we've been saving money for months, and we started looking at houses in suburbia, just to get an idea of what we might be in the market for when we were finally ready to buy.

We were sickened. Where were the places to GO? Where were the gathering points? Where was the community? It instantly turned us into New Urbanism converts.

There's a great video on Ted.com that talks about the horror of suburban architecture and poor urban planning. If you're interested in learning more about New Urbanism, it's an excellent, easy-to-digest place to start. I've put it in my URL field.

I'm reading through these letters. My favorite topic: suburbs!

One thing: people seem to be reading something into the LW I didn't. He didn't sound concerned about being cool, or continuing to wear skinny pants. He's in Florida- does anyone even wear pants there? (I joke.)

He has buyer's remorse. Presumably he was excited by the house at some point. Or liked the neighborhood, or something, before plunking down the cash. Right? Renting gives you some leeway to complain, but it is a little hard after the down payment.

My anecdote? My parents moved to the suburbs in 1978. They never left. But if you think that means they liked it- oh dear. No, certainly not. My mother, for one, was way too good for the suburbs. I remember going to France with my parents in 1988. (Not an everyday occurence, but yes, we did go a couple of times.) A waitress asked us where we were from. My mother said New York. The waitress was impressed. Then I got to hiss the real name of the town we were from, forty miles from that famous city we'd left when I was a child to, um, raise me. Then me and my mom had some argument. Now, where was I?

Oh yes. You can get stuck. Then you can make the best of it, or not. But please don't wait twenty two years like my mom did to plant a garden, or change the skanky freaking oven we had when we moved in to our dark, small windowed suburban hell. And do take advantage of the golf courses. It's a very healthy sport.

Also, all the best Jewish delis are in Florida now. But again, I digress. For all I know you're somewhere near Atlanta.