try aromatherapy. Fresh mint will revive, while richer scents relax and expand your mind.

oh, and try asking your wife what she wants. you sound insufferable.

*loud guffaw*

In our high-end suburb, it is almost a zoning IMPERATIVE to have granite counter tops - every real estate agent who wants to sell your home insists upon it. Seriously: they do.

What, there are Granite-Free Zones outside the 'burbs?

I'm a Corian person, myself.

One thing that makes market upswings go "irrational" and downswings go "black" is that most of us don't have any practical education in valuations and how to stick to our valuation when it's out of sync with the market's valuation. Here's a yardstick on your house: If you stay in a house for less than two years, you have lost money on it.

Okay, so you bought the house when it met your valuation... it was what you wanted at the time and for a price that seemed fair. You signed up for two years. Will prices be up or down in your area in 18 months? Who knows? But you know you will loose money if you move now. You will be changing horses mid-stream instead of waiting until you get out of the river. You could be jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. So, breathe. What's so bad about another 18 months? That could be 18 months of really intentional house shopping.

Another thing at play here is our darn pre-frontal cortex. It is what makes humans "human", but it's ability to make guesses about the future isn't infallible. It can't always predict what's going to make you happy. You thought a big house in the suburbs would do it... and it seems that's failed you. Okay. So is selling the house right now and buying something else really going to make you happy? Can you pick a winner when you're smarting over a loss?

How about making a list of the things that really do make you happy and seeing -- over the next couple of years -- if you can find a place that fits those?

Living the American Dream ... I Guess,

While I do wish I had this problem (and the perks it comes with, like the house, security and ability to say I could spend 50k..) that in no way makes it harder to have sympathy for you. Your in a situation that all humans find themselves. Our society and infrastructure is designed for the majority of the social strata that can afford it - its not designed for everyone, and your part of the latter. The suburbs are build for a people who want to get away into isolation - away from the city and willing to accept the drawbacks of being out there.

A suggestion I haven't seen - move further afield possibly. Out of the suburbs and into the actual wilderness. Depending on locations this might be possible. Find an old farm house, or someplace surrounded by woods - away from everyone. It might be cheaper then what you have now, with the benefits of the large house but without the cookie cutter houses and SUVs. You would still commute - but instead of fighting for space with those SUVs you may find a more enjoyable trip through open fields and woodlands? To each their I own, but good luck to you and your wife in solving these problems.

Thank you so much for articulating so well what I've felt but couldn't express, so perfectly. I am in the process of looking for/buying a house, and when I've found one I liked, the first question asked by my family is, "does it have a driveway?" (because I'm looking in an urban area, and many houses don't have driveways). I've put an offer on a house without a driveway, and you might have thought the house had no roof with the negative comments I'm getting. People think I'm insane. I just refuse to live for the car and make it my primary decision making factor.

The area I'm moving to has buses and trains, and also a great fledgling carshare program, so maybe I'll give up my old car when it dies. But the fact that, while I have my car, that I might have to park it 3 blocks away sometimes, instead of right smack in front of my front door, is abhorrent to people. I've tried to explain my unhappiness with the car-is-all culture. Next comment I get from someone about my foolishness for not buying a car with a driveway - they're getting a copy of your response to the letter. Thanks!

The biggest mistake people make these days is treating buying a house as a financial investment. Wrong, wrong, wrong. The real estate market, despite occasional aberrations, will always have ups and downs. When one of my friends was considering selling her rather expensive house and worried if she should wait for prices to go back up, I pointed out that any smaller house (in the same area) she’d want to buy from the sale proceeds would also have fluctuated in price. If her house decreased in value, then so did the smaller house she wanted to buy. So looking at the dollar price was misleading.

Cary’s right about the ideal urban environment. But, lacking that, the LW and spouse should look for a place not just to have a house, but where they want to LIVE. I moved from NYC to Massachusetts (outside Boston) over twenty years ago. The adjustment wasn’t always easy, but for years, in addition to working, I’ve been on the volunteer board of two local organizations, which has involved me more deeply in the community in creative, connective, and gratifying ways. I feel that I not only live here, I’m helping to contribute to the quality of life of the community.

My house is quite comfortable, not a McMansion, and I’ve been continually paying off the mortgage and living within my means. My house is my (and my children’s) HOME. The community is our community.

I think the LW and spouse should consider where and how they want to live, who they want as neighbors, where their (future) kids might go to school, what the community has to offer them, and vice-versa. The big picture is so important to making one’s house a home, and making one’s home in a community.

Do some research and go with your heart and gut. Good luck.