Letters to the Editor
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Well, I don't think that that follows
If I love a man, I will freely choose to perform certain acts with him; that doesn't mean that I'd want to perform the same acts with my father or brother. There are biological taboos involved, and I think they are operational in most normal human beings.
But all that aside, even if it is liberating and free, it is also embarrassing and a career detriment. It's not about the stripping as stripping. It's about the combination of stripping with an academic career, which may work for some people (who are talented enough to succeed despite that handicap), but which may sink others.
But if the LW likes stripping, and doesn't much like teaching (which is what I get from her letter), she may be better off stripping rather than teaching, anyway. The world needs good strippers as well as good teachers.
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Older strippers
The LW is getting older and is probobly too busy studying to keep her body in pre-teen prime. Watching TMZ I am amazed at the vicious attacks on female celebrities for having non-airbrushed bodies.
Maybe when she was younger her audience was kinder, but now that she shows signs of being over 13 years old, that is what the public stoning will be about.
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Amerigo / AJCalhoun / Hiring of PhDs
I'm usually just a "lurker" since the threads are typically closed by the time I get to read comments... Guess the servers are at capacity pretty quickly. But these thoughts occur to me:
Amerigo...
Love your writing and sense of humor! I still chuckle about the two kinds of women: 1) Those who want Jimmy Choos and 2) Those who want granite top counters. (Why can't we have both!?)
Sounds like there is much humor in Durham/Chapel Hill contrary to the perception otherwise. I, too, have seen that Cafe Risque sign. (We sometimes get out and about up here in Oxford.)
AJCalhoun...
I feel I know you. Sounds like you grew up in the DC area and maybe in PG County. A number of your experiences from the DC area ring so many bells although I haven't been to any strip clubs. I do know where the Surf Club is/was.
Hiring PhDs...
Having been a hiring manager for the Fortune 500 company that put Research Triangle Park on the map, I'll tell you that PhDs have a large sense of entitlement and are not necessarily agreeable to getting their hands "dirty" with the day to day work nor take the time to understand the business problem at hand. This attitude is sensed by the existing employees and the existing employees thereupon eat the PhDs' lunch. Teamwork is poor. I have seen this dynamic and had to work thru it/around it; consequently, I have steered away from PhDs.
I have been impressed, though, by those that have worked their way thru school regardless of the discipline or degree.
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"Show us your butt."
That's what they say to my niece. So she turns around and drops her sheer robe and shows them her butt. They touch her. They want to touch her tits. She lets them even though it is against the law in this state because that is how she gets the tips. She is getting older. There is cellulite on her thighs and she worries about what this means for her income.
Lap dancing is not about dancing. It is about being pawed. "I always move away if they pull at my t-back," she tells me. "I am safe. There are bouncers."
Most of the other strippers have boyfriends to whom they bring a large chunk of their income. Sometimes these boyfriends beat them. Strippers are suckers for sorry guys. Finally, my niece has learned not to go out with guys she meets at work. They always think strippers are an easy meal ticket.
Then there is the money she spends to get her hair colored, her nails done, the constant shaving of her bikini line which encourages a rash and ingrown hairs. My niece always puts off going to work. She has to feel up for it. There are long stretches in which she just does not feel up for it. Instead, she surfs the net and reads and gets agoraphobic. Then, she gets short of money and she has to make herself feel up for it. She is not good at sales. Although she is quite beautiful, she admits that girls who are more personable make more money. Sales is part of the job, as is constant rejection.
My niece does not eat properly. That is because she worries that her stomach will look fat if she eats before working. Since she doesn't go to work until 7pm, she goes all day on work days without eating. I look at her stomach. It is flat. It is always flat, but to her, she never looks good enough. It is like she is a model without the pay. She fully admits that good bartenders and good waitresses often bring home more money than she does. She gets depressed on a regular basis. She does not smoke but she has developed a chronic cough from working in the smokey atomesphere.
When my niece was little, her father sexually abused her. Now she reenacts that power dynamic in her job; only now she has the power. She is in control. Oh yes, she is in control.
I worry about my niece. She looks older than her age. She is growing old in sacrifice to this career. Sometimes she has complained, "My sex drive is dead." Not surprising since every night that she works she displays her sexuality for sale to men who will go home to other women.
My niece almost never dates. She has pretty much given up on men. Once they find out what she does, they never want to hang around for more than one thing. That is sad. She is a sweet and intelligent and well-read woman. Someday, maybe someone will appreciate her. Someday ...
LW, you know what stripping entails. Why, when you are so close to achieving your goals, do you want to take this risk? Don't your feel you deserve to succeed and move beyond your past?