Letters to the Editor
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how many men would answer with 'I'm a Dad'
Seriously, when asked about themselves, how many men with children would list the FIRST and MOST IMPORTANT THING as 'I'm a Dad'.
Most would say something like 'I'm from Arizona these days, but grew up in Maine. I used to be an electrician, but right now I'm staying at home with the kids.' would be a much more likely answer than simply 'Well, *chuckle* I'm a Dad' as thought that one statement answers everything about you anyone could ever want to know.
I'm sure it's great to be a Mom or Dad, and I don't belittle those people who chose to have children at all. I think that having kids IS a life changing experience, and that the person you are on the otherside of baby-making is not the same person you were before. Its a life changing event, for sure. But, although it may alter your life, it need not become your entire life. You need not define your new, child-toting self totally in terms of 'being a Mom' and nothing else.
The LW is quite right to question this insistence among society to classify women with children as being 'first and foremost' a mom. Just look at whats happened to Nicole Kidman now that shes pregnant. Her Oscar nomination, her distinguished career, her upcoming movies and aspirations are all irrelevant in the face of the fact she. is. going. to. be. a. mom.
So be pissed off. I am. Someday when I have kids I'll love them. I'll spend an obscene amount of my time looking after them, cleaning up after them, driving them around and worrying about them. But you know what? I'll also do other stuff with my time. I'll work. I'll read. I'll enjoy walks and bike rides. I'll still be a crazy femmy liberal who reads the salon and responds to the letters column... being a mom won't change that. It will be one of many things I do. The same will be true for the LW.