Letters to the Editor
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Law school is probably as stressful as being waterboarded
First: Why weigh yourself by grades you make in law school? That's seeing yourself through the cold eyes of the system that you seem to be kind of against.
Second: In 5 years. You won't even think about what grades you made. Things will be fine and dandy. I'll put $20 on it right now.
Third: We're all impostors, it's just that some of us realize it. No biggie.
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We're all impostors
Law was a second career for me after design. One law school didn't accept me because they didn't understand that a B.F.A. really was a bachelor's degree. Sitting in my first week of law school classes was surreal.
Don't worry about whether or not you'll pass. Just focus on the information you need to learn. Invest in a good study program with structure. Some people love to hate BarBri but it worked for the first bar examination. When I took another bar for a second state, I already had three kids with the fourth on the way. I couldn't imagine taking the exam with 4 kids under 10, so failure was not an option. I used a book/tape series with an excellent syllabus through Celebration Bar Review. Taking old exams under timed conditions is key. The difference in success or failure can be as simple as time management.
There's an old cliche that I heard in law school:
"A" students become professors and "B" students work for "C" students. This time-worn saying may be true to the extent that "C" students have to create their own opportunities. I graduated in a year when law firms were reducing their hiring. As a result, a couple of my friends just started their own law firm and a decade later have a solid practice. Given the current economic climate, you should think about developing your own practice. Check out what types of assigned counsel work is available in your jurisdiction and how to get onto the list. Also, be open to other fields that can use lawyerly expertise like human resources management.
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Door is locked?
Speaking of dysfunctional thoughts...who says well educated people from the suburbs "don't want working class people to get in"? Sounds like prejudice to me.
I am one of those people who grew up in the suburbs and I am always happy to hear of less fortunate people making it.
Also- if this guy went to a Catholic high school, how poor can he have been? It must have been a private school.
And the fact that he dropped out is his own stupid fault.
One other thing- I hope Cary does not assume that everybody growing up in wealthy suburbs has it easy. I grew up in one of those suburbs but I was sexually abused by my father for over 13 years. And my mother helped him do it. They both made it clear that they wished I wasn't around. I hated myself and living with them was a nightmare. I thought about suicide or running away every night.
But I didn't do it. Suicide wouldn't have made me happy, only dead. And running away would have been stupid. What kind of future could I expect as a homeless drop out?
So my points are:
a)Don't buy into the perfect facade of the suburbs.
b) Dropping out of high school is a stupid thing to do.
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Was the the only high school in existence?
P.S.- why didn't he just transfer to another high school?
Oops, I mean poor poor baby with the "learning disorder" such a convenient excuse. As is his not having been born rich.
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You Don't Realize What You Have
Cary is absolutely right. He knows about this self-esteem stuff.
So: take his advice--and, in addition to the Burns book, take a look at Authentic Happiness, by Martin Seligman (who is something of an outsider in his own field, albeit a brilliant one). His take on things is that you are or are not born with money or intelligence; not much you can do about either one. But there are skills you can learn and traits you can aspire to that will make all the difference about whether or not you're happy. Try: wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance and spirituality/a sense of transcendence.
You obviously have a couple of these going for you already...maybe more than you realize.
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Learn how to play the game
I get the sense that you are drawn to law because of your values and convictions and sense that there should be some justice in this world. It took me a long time to realize that that mindset does you no good while you are still a student.
School, any type of school, is about playing the game. There are some people are in charge, they will deem you acceptable or unacceptable, and it's your job to figure out what they want and give it back to them. This is not the time for independent thought, sticking to your guns and showing them your individuality. Sad, but true. You need to play the game - figure out the marking scheme, learn everything that will help you pass the exam, figure out what the professors want, and do it. In the world of school, there is no god of justice. Sometimes life is just not fair. School is not fair. The real world is even more unfair.
You sound like an interesting person and I'm sure you will do great things as a lawyer. Now is not the time to psychoanalyze yourself. Or for wondering about the "what ifs". For worrying about past grades. Now is the time to be as focused as you have ever been. You need to steel yourself and keep your eye on the prize -- passing that bar exam. Know their expectations, know the exam, know what you need to learn to get it, and do it.
There will be time later for wondering if you are cut out for this. Right now you need to play the game to get what you want.
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what a familiar story
This letter certainly strikes a familiar chord. I went through a lot of the same feelings and doubts in law school, and--oh horror--in my first several years of practice. So when I read your letter, I sat down and "thunk."
First of all, forget high school. High school is hell for many of us, and our time there proves nothing. However, managing our lives AFTER high school is a lot more important, and you have done exceedingly well. Kudos to you for overcoming what could have been a serious handicap--lack of high school diploma--enough to not only get into a university, but into a law school.
Second, the law school. Law school was extremely hard for me. The workload, the people, the pressures, the jobs. I struggled from my first to my last day there, got some As on more esoteric subjects and some Cs on more serious ones, and ended up with a "B" average--which is about .3 less than the law school mean. Very shameful for me, for I've gotten As throughout college. In short, very similar to you.
So, when I start to get embarrassed about it, what do I tell myself? Here's what I tell myself: I am a person with a professional degree, into which I put a lot of effort. Just under 10% of Americans have a graduate or professional degree. It means that I am more academically accomplished than 90% of my compatriots. I did not flunk out from the law school, I did not "barely pass"--I have a "B" average. I think that in the scheme of things that's pretty darn impressive--as are you.
Now, the bar. The bar is a BITCH. If you are lucky to live in one of the 2-day states (I was), you have two days of sheer misery, and before then--two or three months of sheer misery. If you are not, prepare for a gruelling three-day exam. In any case, you can do it. I did it, the first time I sat for it--something that people still note with interest (oddly, nobody seems to care that I got a "C" in jurisdiction six years ago...). If you really get down to it, put your nose to the paper and study, study, study (7 hours a day for 2 and a half months did it for me), you will pass. Remember--nobody cares just how well you do on the Bar. Nobody in the real world gives a shit about the percentage you get right, as long as you pass.
What will happen if you don't pass? You will take it again. Your accomplishments and investments are simply too great to just give up on yourself.
So, I suppose, what I'm trying to tell you is: you'll do fine in life. You are tough, determined and obviously intelligent. Having difficulty in law school is normal and to be expected (it's people who don't have problems in law school that are strange freaks), but you have A LOT to be proud of. A lot.
Good luck and don't be afraid.