Letters to the Editor
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Of course it was a joke
Flipside, I can't believe you said what you said...take some more money and hire an investigator...to investigate the LW's boss..
Flipside, that is downright unconscionable.
I hope you were joking, but it doesn't sound like it.
That is predatory behavior, Flipside.It is WRONG !
WRONG.
Of course I was kidding. I would have thought that would be intuitively obvious to even the meanest intelligence.
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Decide
LW - you have to make this about deciding not to steal. Not 'how can I stop stealinig?' - you have the answer to that: by not taking what doesn't belong to you. Make the question, 'how can I stop wanting to steal?'
Picture yourself,literally, with your hand in the till and your boss catching you. Embrace that shame - it's good for you. Now take that shame to a therapist and figure out why you seem to be pursuing it in your life.
You don't need therapy to stop. You need therapy to WANT to stop. You can just stop - stealing isn't essential. It's posing a grat risk to you - it could, literally, ruin your life. So stop it, NOW. Don't argue with yourself, don't say 'maybe' or "I hope I can." Say, "I'm not going to steal."
And every time you want to steal, put $20 in an envelope. When you've reached a point in therapy that you no longer want to steal, drop the cash off to your soon-to-be-ex boss. Convert it to a gift card if you need to. But make some sort of compensatory gesture, even if it's anonymous it will help.
You are too focused on yourself -"why do I steal? what if I get caught?" You are giving yourself a great luxury, to not consider the consequences of your actions to others. Try spending the next couple of weeks imagining what it would be like to have someone pilfering YOUR stuff. Get mad enough at yourself to get help. Your whole "I know why I do it, I'm from a dysfunctional family" is an excuse to yourself.
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False sense of entitlement
This is directed at the anonymous writer who wrote the post titled, "Keep your mouth shut!".
Your response reeks of entitlement. Yes, many organizations/corporations fuck workers over (don't get me started on how temps are treated), but how does that give someone the right to steal? Are you kidding? The LW is endangering his/her work life. If this person gets caught, this could result in their being unemployable for a VERY long time. Look, the LW is just starting out in the workforce. As a young adult he/she is going to have to pay dues and suck it up like everyone else. I started working right after high school, so I've had more than my share of hellish jobs, complete with crappy pay and unbearable bosses. There were even a few that didn't offer benefits. At almost 40 I'm at the beginning of my career with an amazing company. The LW is doubling his/her advantage by going to college, an option I had but chose to forgo due to my crazy, financially unstable familial background(causing my being in a hurry to work). LW, why are you stealing? Is it because you're having a hard time living on what you're being paid? If this is the case, find another job. Not being "paid enough" is no excuse for helping yourself to what is clearly not yours.
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Oh, please
You're worried about money? Don't you think maybe the small business owner who you're stealing from, a person you claim to respect, has ever worried about money? You're stealing from her because it's easy and because the consequences are probably less severe than if you were caught stealing out of a store. You're not stealing because your family was dysfunctional. You're stealing because you want money and you think you're entitled to more of it.
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The reason you steal...
You say you know why you steal: "I come from a dysfunctional family in which finances are always tenuous and as a college student I'm always looking to save as much as possible."
First of all, that's not going to fly. Gee, I also come from that kind of family and am a full time student. And I'll bet most people came from that kind of family, and scads of us are students. See? I just had to point that part out--you are NOT understanding why you steal. You have not figured it out. After you deal with this situation, see a therapist if you want to resolve this thing.
It's good that you feel terrible about it. I see two options, neither of which is perfect:
1) Return the money incrementally to the safe. If your boss didn't detect the theft, she may not detect the overages. Never steal again, and carry on with a significant but tolerable level of anxiety.
2) Return the money in an envelope to your boss, tell her you did a horrible thing and feel awful, and ask if she will forgive you and let you keep working for her. I like this option because returning money that a person has stolen almost never happens, and if this woman is as nice as you say, she may really respect this action. If she says she must let you go, you accept this as your due for violating her trust, and the episode is over. You did a bad thing and it messed up something you valued.
Pretty basic. It's a bad situation, but you're conscious of it and you'll never let this demon creep up in your life again. Right?
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Hey
Just get a credit card, then you won't need to steal!
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mutatis mutandis
Leaving attorneys beside the point, Gary's advice applies beautifully to all enslaving desires. He echoes Ben Franklin, who warned that wanting what we don't need can cost us what we do need. If our first thoughts are desires, our better second thoughts ask why?
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LW, I disagree with the readers who said you aren't taking much and it's ok.
Where would the compromise end?
If you can't be trusted with small amounts, can you be trusted with large amounts?
I mean, the reader who seemed to condone his bartender friend skimming the employer, is wrong.
Don't take a single penny if it is not yours.
Your soul will feel better.