Letters to the Editor
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Easy--
Stop blaming your fucked up family for your compulsion and take the responsibility yourself. Accept that each and every time you take money, you make the conscious decision to choose between stealing and not stealing. Accept that you do not respect your employer nor do you respect yourself.
Return the money. Quit because the business is better off without you. Seek therapy. SEEK THERAPY.
Start over at with a new job. Don't steal from it. Live a good life. All is within your grasp if you truly want to improve those thing about yourself that you do not like.
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Yes you can stop
You're behaving like a child, stealing from your parents because you think you're getting something for nothing. There is never a free lunch, and the fact that you felt the need to write to Cary about this means there is some semblance of a conscience there.
So STOP STEALING! It really is that simple. STOP IT!! And quit telling yourself you do it because you come from a dysfunctional family. We all come from dysfunctional families. Don't make excuses for your behavior.
You also need to replace the money. Maybe not all at once. It doesn't sound like you have the finances to do that. But whatever you were using the stolen money for, do without it and put the money back.
If you can't or won't stop stealing, you need to quit that job and seek employment where you can't steal so easily.
I assume you're over 18 years old. If you are caught and your employer decides to prosecute, that is PERMANENTLY on your record. There is no sealing of the records or expunging the offense as can sometimes be done with juveniles.
Grow up.
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Slowly put the money back
Sit down, average how much you've stolen over time, and then total the amount. Write it down. Now, go to the bank, withdraw the amount of cash, in $20s, and make a plan to put the money back, a few $20s at a time, week by week.
Then do exactly that.
When finished, wash your hands of the whole thing. Walk around guilt-free. Enjoy it....doing the right thing is the best feeling in the world.
If you can't do the above, then why? What, you don't have the power to move a few small objects from here to there?
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I think you are trying to get caught.
And if you don't take action, you will get caught. Is that really what you want? Because it is inevitable. Perhaps you can take care of this problem by buying yourself some therapy with your own money instead of fucking up your own and other people's lives in an attempt to get them to fix what is wrong with you. Telling you to grow up is a bit on the harsh side, but it does seem as though you are challenging the authorities around you to call you on your bad behavior. That is a serious boundary issue, and you need to address it with a spiritual or mental health professional before you escalate even more and do something truly awful.
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Quit
I think you should quit and only takes jobs where you are not entrusted with cash. And see a therapist asap.
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Take a good look at the future
In my previous corporate life, I used to deal with people like you, through the investigation, the firing, and the prosecution. So here's what you are going to go through. You get fired. You get prosecuted. Let's say you get charged with felony theft, and you carry that for the remainder of your life. You lose everything. Stealing is a thrill. It's fun - until you get caught. Then your life is shattered.
So do this. Take a day and go sit in a courtroom. Watch what happens. See yourself there. And get some help.
I am guessing you aren't the kind of person who would knock down an old lady and steal her purse. What is the difference here? Stealing is stealing. Stop it. It will destroy your life.
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Cover your ass
Okay, they got nothin' so there's no reason to give them anything.
Thing is, you're going to need leverage if you get caught. My advice: take a little of that money and hire a private investigator to investigate your boss.
If she's running a small business and not noticing hundreds of missing dollars a week, chances are she's got something hinky going on.
Maybe she's a closet heroin sniffer. Who knows? But chances are she's lifting a little cash herself.
Now you come along and suggest better accounting procedures. Smooth move, Ex-Lax. Now she's thinking "the kid's onto me."
Don't let yourself get blindsided. Get all the dirt on her that you can. Who knows? Maybe you can pin the whole thing on her! She might not even remember how much she's taken!
Be smart. Get ahead of the game. It's you or her now. Time to decide.
(or, alternatively, don't take advice from someone who's watched too many Sidney Lumet movies :) )
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To the employer
I'm ignoring the LW in favor of addressing the employer:
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm so sorry that someone you trusted abused your good faith in such a cowardly way. You have likely put your heart and soul into this business, have stayed up nights planning, have thought about it for months and maybe years before launching it, have put many other things on hold to accomplish what other people only dream about, have done god knows what to get the thing financed.... you've done all that and then someone you tried to help comes along and pulls it all apart at the seams. 'Cause they "can't help it."
This is now going to cost you even more money, since you'll have to implement some kind of employee screening system or surveillance device to make sure that "helpless" people don't rip your dreams apart. I guess it's a painful lesson learned: wounded animals have sharp teeth.
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LW, you don't sound like you want to change ...
LW, you are rationalizing. "It's not a lot of money," "My family is financially insecure," "I'm a broke college student," "She doesn't pay attention to the books (so she deserves it)." Nothing you do makes up for the fact that you are stealing from someone who is trying to do the right thing by you as an employee by continuing to pay you a fair wage while you rip her off. Life's not fair, sure, but you act like this is something that's happening to you, not something you are doing. You already know how to stop- you STOP. Or you quit. That's not hard, you just don't want to accept responsibility for taking those steps because then you'd have to accept your responsibility for the stealing. It's not anyone else's fault. Grow up, and get over it, or at least move on so your employer no longer has to suffer your abuse of her trust