Letters to the Editor
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Promiscuous Sexual Adventure #0129
The promiscuous sexual adventure, that is really all women live for these days. The girls make up all sorts of excuses why they cheat (one of my favorites being "I don't know") but in the end all it comes down to is they're a bunch of horny little things that are just using the only talent they have.
Tennis, your advice, "just tell the truth", is terrible. Next time tell her what all of us out here know: she is a slutty little thing with nothing else to live for but her vanity. Oh, and also, tell her what a ridiculously horrible wife she'd make. Gawd, really. The only reason she'd even ask the question would be to have you validate her right to 'adventure'.
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Yikes!
I don't hang around here as often as I used to, and upon returning the thing that strikes me most is the drastic difference in tone between the first page of letters and the last.
Do the vicious & childish wake up later or something?
Anyway Cary, thank you for what is absolutely perfect advice.
This gal is quite lucky to have heard just what she needed to from just the right person.
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re: bullshit
just in case it wasn't clear, my rant was not intended against this 'LW' but rather against the other vicious and/or sanctimonious posters, and against several specific well-disguised psychos here, there and everywhere.
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Just Wondering
I don't know who all these anonymous people are but obviously every one of them that seems to be saying 'you go girl' is a woman and all the ones that say 'what a slut' are men. Me, I'm going to stay out of that whole thing and go a different direction.
I am curious to know if sex is a big deal or not. I am a grown man and sexually active, but honestly, is sex really that important a topic that we've got to have big, huge debates about it? Where I work I see squirrels mating on trees every day; my question then is how is sex any different for Humans? What I mean is: isn't sex really just this animal thing that all animals do? So what is up with all the pride some people take in having sex and having sex often? It just seems to me that an intellectual argument about sex is impossible, it is the least intellectual thing imaginable. It also seems to me that the less you can control your sexual urges the more animal you must be. That's fair, right? Everyone always thinks it is pretty sad/funny when they see the puppy they just bought humping the chairs, cushions, etc., isn't it equally sad/funny when we see either men or women trying to hump everything that moves?
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re: Just Wondering
Yes, I think you are right actually, though I had to hump an awful lot of chairs to be absolutely sure.
I mean, you could hump 20 chairs and just pick the only 20 chairs in the universe that did not provide instant enlightenment and transcendence.
Once I got to 100 chairs I certainly began to suspect that my best sexual experiences were behind me, and after a few dozen more chairs and a handful of sofas, I was sure that they were.
So now I am willing to share the bitter fruits of my experience with all who will listen.
Hear ye, hear ye! You might just as well stick with your first sexual partner, because there will be a law of diminishing returns on each additional sexual affair, plus courtship will always cost you money. You might just as well keep your breeches hitched and spend your money on books and music.
Why do we do this to ourselves? God knows, but I think it is because our capitalist society promotes sexuality as a commodity and it is our patriotic duty to consume more of everything, including sex, for the benefit of the gross national product.
I have many friends in the Dominican Republic, where the culture is a bit different, and the story I hear over and over again from single mothers is this: I met this older guy and fell in love. He fucked me four times, made me pregnant, then split. Sad though these stories are, I wonder if this pattern of behavior is not more natural to our species, homo sapiens, than the idea of lifelong mating like many species of birds.
Maybe we are just designed so that sexual attraction flares hot long enough to start a pregnancy, then dies down into a dull glow, like a log fire, and eventually grows cold and gray.
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My nomination for best letter
"I've noticed that a great many -- almost all -- of Cary's letter writers describe themselves as really, really good looking. It's statistically amazing that Mr. Tennis can draw from such an attractive population of readers! (Given that, honestly, in the real world I inhabit, most people are just average looking at best.)"-Laurel962
Laurel962 kind of jolted me pleasantly awake with her measured rant. I LOVED IT!
It was a loud speaker blaring over the annoying whine of the other letters going on and on about fidelity and morality.
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Your history doesn't necessarily predict the future
Before I married my husband, my fears were quite similar to yours. I'd had a long history of infidelity, including during my first marriage. In fact, I became involved with my husband during the end of my relationship with my first husband. Clearly, we were doomed. I was congenitally unfaithful, it seemed, and here we were in a relationship that had started so wrongly. I was terrified of hurting this incredible man whom I loved so much, and I told him this often.
But something happened in this marriage. I reached a very different stage in my life, where I could draw a line in the sand and derive those good feelings by staying on the faithful side. I don't mean to make myself sound like a saint; I am far from it. My relationship with my husband, too, continued to evolve in positive ways, both expected and unexpected. I came to a point where I was faithful not because I "couldn't do that to him" but because I couldn't and didn't want to do it to myself or to the living, breathing, healthy entity of our relationship. And later, I reached another stage where infidelity became like skydiving--something that I knew could be done but that I wasn't going to do in this lifetime, and had no regrets at all.
Remember that you will keep growing and evolving, as will your relationship with your husband. Certainly your history should be taken into account. But you are more than your history. It has been nearly 18 years since I married my husband, and I'm even happier than I was in the dizzy early days of the relationship. I never would have believed I could be faithful for 18 years--but then I am not the woman I was at age 23 either.
I might be wrong about this, but I don't think that being attracted to women necessarily becomes a big old can of worms. I am attracted to both women and men, men more than women, but that seems like a detail to me in the complex matrix of things we find appealing. Of course, for you this may well be something you feel compelled to act upon now (not just something you wish had happened in the past ... and I think we all have liaisons we wish had happened in the past), and that is a different story.
Cary is on the right track in saying that you should be honest about your fears about infidelity, and I want to stress that having these fears is not the same as having intent to cheat. Doing things in the past isn't the same as needing to do them forever--at least not for everyone. You get to write your story from here, and it might be a very different one than the one you fear has already written itself, with you powerless to change the script.
I wish you luck and happiness, regardless of how things go from here.