Letters to the Editor
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Forget about it.
The LW is very much a work in progress on a number of very fundamental issues.
One of those issues is, in my opinion as a geezer, basic sexual morality. You know, sexual morality, that concept that we liberals sometimes dismiss with a wave of the hand.
LW confesses to having interfered in at least three other relationships, one even involving the boyfriend of a "friend." (With friends like that....) Who of all of us married folk have not been attracted to someone else outside of the marital bond?
For men (maybe for women too, but I can't speak for them), that's a given. When a man isn't having sex, he wants sex. When he's having sex he wants variety. The faithful husband does not go in for variety because he knows it is morally wrong and because he loves his wife and doesn't want to hurt her.
In other words, it is possible to overcomes one's animal impulses and be a faithful spouse. I don't think the LW realizes that. Perhaps she never will. The early indications don't look good, and she should wish her fiance a bon voyage and break off the engagement. It will be a favor to him in the long run.
wild_wife says "How can one turn off one of their most basic desires just because one exchanges rings and vows with another person?" It is possible, and good. The operative word there is "vow."