Letters to the Editor
-
Dragging & screaming Anonymous...
Why are you so indignant that this woman has taken herself out of the dating pool? Isn't that her right? Isn't her plate full enough with her job and her kids? Her assessment that dating doesn't provide enough benefits to be worth it at this time seems valid.
And you're talking about men being dragged into taking care of their own kids? Who the hell else is supposed to take care of them? And this woman is a divorced mom -- it seems like your ilk usually likes to characterize her as trying to "trap" some poor guy into being with her -- I would think that someone like you be happy that she's not in the market.
B---, I mean, Anonymous -- women aren't obligated to be sexually available to whatever man happens to pass by. Women don't expect men to be sexually available to them.
-
i don't get it.
i relate a lot to this letter because, to be honest, i don't understand why people couple up. i also don't understand why they get married and why they have kids. (i am a non-religious 30-something woman who has been in many couples.) i know these may seem like silly questions, but i don't think they're asked nearly enough. and for the record, i very much doubt that the most common answer is that people are in love. please, posters, enlighten me...
-
Dunno, Anonymous at 01:08 AM
Why haven't you discovered the Caps key on your keyboard?
Just thought I'd give you another stupid question to ponder.
-
Why do people couple up?
Well, in my case, it's always been because I've been in love, and wanted to see what would happen next. In the past these couplings have had varying degrees of commitment and permanence, though none were "forever and ever". And that was fine. You hang out with a person because they're fun, you get along with them, and it's a hell of a lot easier to be with someone you trust through experience than with a new person who might require a lot of patience to get to know.
Now that I'm married to a wonderful, thoughtful, creative guy, I also understand that one of the other reasons for coupling up is to have (and to be) someone utterly reliable for the other person.
-
Damm, 10:38 Anonymous...
...yours has to be one of the nastier letters expressing "concern" I've ever read. You all but threaten LW with "dying alone and being eaten by dust mice," and you barely stop short of calling her a "cold bitch" (though calling her "selfish" is pretty darn close.) And you seem to be taking her lack of interest in intimacy awful damm personally. WTF difference does it make to you if she doesn't want sex right now--or may never want it again? Why does it burn you so bad that she may not have relationships again? What happened--did some woman have the gall to turn your wonderful self down...and instead of getting over it, you do like all women-hating trolls and try to scare women with the old "you'll be all alone if you don't do what guys like me want" crap? Would guys like you and Brightstar have any lives at all if you weren't fueled by hating women?
-
LW, you are doing great. Your kids have a fine mother who is stable and nurtures them.
If you are not interested in a man now, that's cool. There's no need to be concerned.
You have balance in your life now and don't feel a need to juggle someone else's life into yours.
Totally understand.
_________
Myself. Have not had a relationship since 1989.
Had too much personal struggle to get through.(massive abuse issues - 2 children now 34, 33)
Now that the terrible struggle is over, I treasure my space and my freedom of time. I live alone and have to account to no one for my time and preferences. Bliss. Peace. ( I am 60 and do have 2 local admirers)
Perhaps Mr. Right would change that, but really, I am content.
So, I am right on your page. It ain't broke. (It WAS broken by your ex-H).
So, if it ain't broke, there's no need to fix it.
Best wishes to you and your family.
-
I'm not retired from dating, I'm retired from marrying!
Like the LW, I'm happily divorced from a lousy partner and enjoying having my life to myself---I love taking care of my two children and working at a fulfilling job.
I'm attractive and in my mid-forties, and I've dated a lot since my divorce, had several long term relationships, etc.
I enjoy the sex and the companionship. But when these men started talking marriage (& contrary to what everyone told me about men in their 40's, the men I dated ended up being very eager to get married), I was surprised at how negative I felt about the whole idea.
Like the LW, I don't want to risk my life and my children's lives by marrying some guy who might very well turn out to destroy my family's current calm, happiness, and security. It seems incredibly irresponsible.
Traditional marriage has very little appeal to women like the LW and myself who already have children and who have no need for someone to take care of they financially. Because the downside to marriage is pretty big for the woman.
Even the nice men I dated, who aren't abusive jerks by any means, tend to assume that 1) their wives will do all the cooking and housework (uh, shouldn't we all as adults have figured out how do this for themselves?), and 2) that they as the husband will always make all the important decisions including how to invest all of *my* savings and my kids' college funds (no way!). They didn't even like to let me drive my own car when we went out! (sorry, guys, driving is fun, and I'd like to do it some of the time!)
Also, they assumed that our social lives together would consist of us as a couple interacting with other couples. While I enjoy socializing with couples, I also enjoy spending time alone with my friends, many of whom are single. I'm puzzled at the primitiveness of the social skills of these men, who have few/no close friendships and who are helpless socially without a partner. Like picking up their socks, it seems absurd to have to take care of a fellow adult in this way.
Perhaps as some have mentioned on this thread, I'll eventually fall for some man hard enough to overcome these common negatives associated with marriage. Or perhaps I'll meet the rare man who is actually a grown-up and can bring something to a relationship besides an overwhelming sense of need and entitlement. Until then, I'll stay single, kthx!