Letters to the Editor
-
the reality of dealing with parents
For most of my life, I have been having an ongoing struggle with respectfully asserting my non-Christian beliefs to my fundamentalist family. Looking back, I am not sorry for the years that I spent lying or equivocating in order to spare their feelings. Having some more perspective now, these are some things I would recommend for a high schooler dealing with the external and social issues (I think that Cary gave good advice on the personal/internal side).
I believe that in high school, it's best to keep religious differences mostly to yourself. I say this especially because you still seem unsure of your exact beliefs and in the process of searching and exploring. If you feel that an eventual explanation to your parents is necessary, let it be after you've formed a more solid basis for your new beliefs. Else, you will be viewed as a doubter who needs reassurance, rather than someone who is making a positive affirmation of her own beliefs. In the meantime, read and study about different beliefs and religion in general, talk to those who have had similar experiences to you (I recommend that you read some of the testimonies at ex-christian.net), and formulate responses as to why your views have changed.
For now, try to view going to Sunday morning church as a sign of respect for your parents and a chance to do something as a family. Try to replace any extra worship/doctrine religious activities with activities of charity and service. For example, instead of going to youth group, volunteer at a homeless shelter. Try to make some friends who are truly interested in critical thinking and philosophical exploration. That isn't to say that you can't branch out by going to parties or having friends with more wild lifestyles, but recognize that those kinds of friends will distance you from your family. Just because they have ideas that may be false or outdated does not mean that your parents have ceased to be the same good people who raised and loved you.
-
Doubt Away
It means you have a brain and a heart, both of which our creator gave us.
As you realize, the world is severely screwed up. Some of this is due to people not being taught the truth when they are young. So many people believe in fairy tales. Yet if truth were to be the order of the day, our so called leaders would not be able to get away with a fraction of the stuff they get away with.
Which leads to MORE problems. Escalating problems. Your questioning of the whole shebang.
God created you. God gave you your mind, your soul, your brain, your heart.
It is up to you to use it as wisely as possible. Maybe the way things are set up, where parents heave close to conservtive standards merely means they feel every child should have a base to start from, to know how to live with some sense of duty and obligation and fear.
Now you grow up out of it to experience the other side, the side where God is on your side, letting you experience life in its fullest, most chaotic.
Maybe the wise use of your mind is to stray a bit, to question things, to see what is fraud and what is real.
After all, belief in God is a matter of PURE FAITH. No evidence in front of you on this planet will prove God exists.
Nobody has all the answers. Too many people sleepwalk through life insted of experiencing it full bore. That is the saddest thing of all.
A dear friend, you would knwo his name if I mentioned it, once congratulated me for opening his mind to a new way of thinking. He was feeling guilty that the information he was privy to and imparting on others was somehow a bad thing, somethign that might lead to literally the end of the world (yeah, it was pretty heady stuff). I blurted out that 'Hell' is people not knowing things. In other words, that he was providing humanity a great service by informing others of what is really going on.
God gave us a brain and we have the gift of knowledge and discernment. We need to use it.
-
Divine Potential v. Sin Redemption
Dear LW:
I,too, found myself questioning my parent's religious teachings. After completing the whole confirmation/baptism classes at 13, I said "thanks but no thanks" and didn't go through with the actual baptism (dunking, so to speak). I guess I was the first to opt out and it caused a bit of controversy. At first, my parents were upset, then it lessened to perplexed, and over time gave us the opportunity to discuss our common beliefs and respect those that differed.
This took about 20 years. But it was worth it to stand up for _me_ and let them know that I appreciated and loved them but was my own person.
Now, as a member of a progressive, enlightening, dare I say FUN church (am I allowed to say the name in my letter? It's Unity, over 100 years of "new thought"-not Unitarian), I am drawn to the notion of belief systems that address divine potential v. sin redemption. This helps me see the broad continuum of belief systems/faiths/religion/ spirituality. My parents were of the sin redemption thought, we are born of original sin, etc. of the conservative Christian movement. They have a bit of a hard time with my notion of the divine within my spirit. For me, I find grace in accepting all religious faiths and politics, sexuality, race, gender . . . the list goes on. I'm not saying my parents or any others are wrong, or that "my religion is better than your religion" but there are many ways to seek, learn, and grow spiritually.
"Shop around" for those who share your beliefs, either in a church or other spiritual setting. This is an evolving experience--who you find kindred spirits today might not be in a year. It's perfectly ok to change who you gravitate to over time. I visited a number of churches and non-traditional spiritual groups over the years. There were a few dark times, but I always reached for a better feeling. Know that you are following a great path as many of us have, in some way, shape or form, have before.
So. You seem pretty together for a teenager. Continue to believe in yourself, I say. Be gentle but true, and respect your parents. If going to their church is just too much dissonance with your emerging beliefs, find a way to honor their wishes by going occasionally and for Christmas, Easter . . . "
Keep smiling, listen to your inner voice and celebrate your divine potential!
Valerie