Letters to the Editor
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partner
I don't mean any disrespect but is you relationship same sex? I think that changes the dynamic a good deal.
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In the interests of all parties concerned.
If I were he, I might encourage the ladies to compromise and learn to share, and not be so greedy and competitive.
I should be so lucky. How does Hef handle these situations, anyway?
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cool dignity always feels good -- in the moment and after
I can totally understand the urge to put this woman in her place. I agree that she's weird and hugely inappropriate.
But I also agree with Cary, that ultimately this is your partner's problem. He needs to grow up and step up to this. She'd like nothing more than to engage you in a catfight. But why would you give her that satisfaction? No, no, no ... it'll smart even more when her ploy is exposed as curiously pathetic. Awkward! Embarrassing!
Since you don't actually know her, why on earth would you reply to an odd, unsolicited email from her? But since she clearly knows your partner, wouldn't the best thing be for him to reply to the email, which you can forward to him. His reply could be something like this:
"Dear xx,
My girlfriend, Miss Lovely, forwarded this to me. You know, of course, that Miss Lovely and I are a solid item, and it's great to know that you wish us all the best. Miss Lovely is very busy with her work, and usually doesn't have much time to keep up with casual email correspondence, so we figured that, since you're my business contact, it would be easiest for me to get back to you.
Best wishes,
Mr. Uninterested
Yes, I'll bet that she didn't actually wish you well with your relationship, but you & your partner can act as though you didn't read it too closely (why would you bother?) and took the faux smilies at face value. Don't have him cc you (but of course he should blind copy you!). Make it look like this was barely a blip on your radar, and something to be dealt with almost as an afterthought.
Believe me, the matter will be closed much more quickly this way. And your gratification will last much longer! Plus, your partner can extricate himself without risking his business connection.
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I keep thinking of the movie where Glenn Close boiled the bunny.
If people don't know the boundaries, it is up to the people who are being encroached upon to teach them to them. Your partner should have said that he wanted to keep their relationship strictly professional when he realized that she was out of bounds.
That he has not says as much about him as it does about her. All he has to do is tell her that her personal life cannot be his concern and that any content in her emails/personal communications with a whiff of sex will be ignored.
Not even a whiff.
Hmm. I actually had to look up MILF, so you might regard me as hopelessly out of touch and old-fashioned.
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Ooooh juicy catfight in the making
Let us see. Here are your strategies
a. Ignore her - Very unsatisfying. She might persist as she usually does.
b. Give her a talking to - Acknowledge her as a threat. She feels empowered and competes harder.
c. Be friendly to her as if she is authentic - Go along with her pretense of friendliness, she is defanged. Fake with Fake. You have already won the man's affections. If you acknowledge her acknowledging you relationship, she has no where to go. Write her back a very strong a we-note."We appreciate your concern. We thank you..blah blah. We would really appreciate some time for rest and recuperation".
The fastest way to stop unwanted attention is to
a. delay response time and
b. Respond unsatisfactorily.
Good luck.
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Consider the Shoe on the Other Foot
What's the term I'm looking for? Oh yeah, "sexual harassment." See, if somebody in the workplace is using sex to make someone else in the workplace feel uncomfortable? We already have a name for that. And most companies have policies to handle it.
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Cary's Right and LW Needs to Stick it Where it Belongs
Mr. Partner is being weak. It's not difficult and it's not complicated. The woman is his problem or she is not a problem for him, in which case HE is the LW's problem. These things are gonna happen, and it is up to each member of a relationship to deal with these matters, walk away from them, keep it all-business, etc. It's professional and it's right.
I also agree with the respondent who discouraged replying to the email. I did like another's suggestion that Mr. Partner reply to it via a forward, one time only, in a very cool and clear manner. Unless, of course, he doesn't want to make it stop. In that case he needs to find a new place to hang out.
Oh, and I also agree with the respondent who pointed out that the acronym MILF is a degrading term and should be beneath the LW. It's also annoying as hell.
And Cary, after having been made sick to death of hearing about MILFs I almost sprained a lung reading your discourse on the various possible permutations involving those letters. Take a bow! Great advice with bonus humor.
Good show!
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Cary is mostly right, but...
...the lady in question is ALSO trying to force a relationship with you. You can and should do something about that. I'd suggest a slight variation on some earlier suggestions:
"Dear Ms. _______:
I am afraid you have been given an incorrect email address. You seem to be trying to reach Mr. Wimpster. THIS address is reserved for friends and/or business contacts of mine. You may send email for Mr. Wimpster's review to vainwimpster@doofus.com
In order to assist you, I have taken the liberty of forwarding your email to Mr. Wimpster. In the future, you will wish to use that address, as your emails will not reach my in box.
Yours very truly,
Ms. Incommandofherself"
THEN you bcc your email to the wimpster, forward her email, and set your own email screen so that her address is blocked or routed to junk mail. After THAT, you have a firm and frank discussion with the gentleman about what he REALLY wants, and how he's going to DEMONSTRATE that he wants it by acting in accordance with his words. And if he can't figure out how to act in this case, you'll have to decide how YOU want to act.
Good luck!