Letters to the Editor
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Postscript
So, well, I did a little performance at Farley's of many of the negative headlines from my Google News Alert e-mail thing, like Cary Tennis is an Idiot, etc., and I thought it might be kinda funny, but no, not really. It was great to be there with my friends and all but the Performance of Insults was out of context. So then on the way home I had a bit of an epiphany. Yes, I think it is important for me to read my critics, to get over myself, to get a thicker skin. It's a good thing. Read them and deal with it. But then: I thought, why don't I spend at least that much time reading the people who deeply appreciate what I do? Just in terms of time expended, there is so much more to be gained from really paying attention to the people who do intuitively appreciate what I am doing, who understand the subtlety and complexity and double meanings, who know that I am not writing a literal instruction manual for living but am celebrating a particular and sometimes perverse individuality, and who accept the premise from the outset that I am not doing it "the way it's supposed to be done." That's the whole point. Yeah. We could build a movement if we wanted. We could do wonders for each other. And we need each other, too, because we are by definition a minority of people, and that is one more reason that I, and by extension you, too, are attacked in this way: Because we dare to think as individuals; we dare to take our own lives at face value whether our actual dilemmas fit the prevailing moral categories or not. We dare to talk about things the way they seem to be; and we dare to be wrong; we dare to say what we see knowing that we may not be seeing it all, knowing that somebody else is going to step in and point out what we missed. So that was a pretty healthy thing, to think that through, and to bomb at Farley's -- well, I didn't bomb, but it wasn't one of those memorable performances, like the one at the Booksmith (which, incidentally, I've got video which when I get some time I'll put up over at carytennis.com). And I think my friend who said that it's *not* a writer's duty to pay that much attention to critics, she may have a point, at least in that one's energy can more profitably be spent engaging with those who do get it, and celebrating that, and appreciating it, and expanding that universe. So I think I'm over the whole nasty critics thing for a while. Let's have a party. Figuratively, anyway. Or maybe literally. --ct
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Work on the big picture stuff too
My advice, along with what everyone else has suggested: look seriously at what you're attracted to and pursue it. This especially applies to things that you've been attracted to for a long time. It doesn't matter how wacked out or unrealistic they seem. Take them seriously and give yourself the chance to experience those things.
For example, I've always had a strong desire to see "the alps". I didn't know which alps exactly, but I knew "the alps" have always held a strong attraction for me. So I considered what the "essence of the alps" is and I came up with Switzerland. I saved up and went to Switzerland. After 24 hours there, I knew I wanted to be there more often. So now I'm saving up to buy a place in Switzerland to live part time. I don't know how long it will take me to do this, but I will do it. Sure, it seems impractical, but I'll find a way.
This is your only life. Deep down, you know what you want. While you're doing all those other things day to day (exercising, getting enough sleep, being kinder to yourself), you also need to be working on the big picture stuff. I'm convinced that only by being aware of -- and responding to -- the big, glaring "I wants..." that nag at us can we stave off the frustration and stagnation that brings on mid-life crises and their attendant depression.
Good luck to you.
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cary's letter to lw
GOD! i know how this feels. 6 months ago it all hit me. i was never going to have a great job again, over 50 and a black female, so of course the options are low, was never going to have the courage to skydive, i hate all the dirt going on in this country, and all the little and huge stupid things that don't matter were suddenly very important.
then i had to take stock of my life. good things stared me in the face. great husband, great daughter, mom still alive, a job, although one i don't really like, i'm alive and in pretty good health, a few really good friends, a home i'm still trying to fixup, things started to look a lot better.
after all this, light came to me. i also took a look at what was bringing me down. like cary, people have always turned to me for advice. well some people just are spunges. they never give back, so the new year's resolution was to prune those leeches out of my life. have positive energy around.
cary's advice was very moving, as was the letter from lw. one would have to be stone not to feel something. all the things i wanted to be and do maybe i still have a chance. this is what i took from both.
i did go to the doctor for the checkup, and the first thing she asked was if i was depressed. she wanted to give me drugs. i declined. too many important things going on in this country, hell the world, i don't want to be zonedout.
work is very physical, so that excersice is covered. a drink after the shower in the evening after work is relaxing. just looking at paint colors to redo the livingroom is exciting now.
lw remember, we all wanted to change the world and make our mark. maybe just changing and loving the folks around us, involing ourselves in our community, donating to our favorite canadates, sweeping the street in front of our homes, planting something in the garden, all of these are therapy. it makes me feel good anyway.
i think the point is we feel that we must matter. things are so out of control in this country that we are made to feel that nothing we could ever want is of importance. this is wrong, but it makes for our confusion and panic. we do matter. we are of importance. we just should take care of our immediate space and that aura moves out and radiates miles. just this post shows how much support we can all tap into.
cary keep doing what you are doing. lw feel the love. tacky saying but true.