Letters to the Editor
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re mf23/gawker
You it was kinda the gawker thing, because the last one wasn't funny. you know what, i got the feeling somebody had jumped on the bash wagon just to get into gawker and it was pathetic. but they've been brilliant. sorry to hear they're hemorrhaging but come on, i mean welcome to publishing. --ct
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A bit off-topic, but...
"White people never, ever have to worry about oppression..."?
This is breathtakingly ignorant and utterly false. It is one of the biggest, most widespread myths of our time, at least among the guilty leftist folks.
Every group of people on the planet, whether defined by skin color, language, religion, location, politics, or some combination of these, has experienced hatred, war, invasion, and suffering.
How is life for the white people in Eastern Europe and some of the former Soviet countries? Full of wealth and cozy priviledge? Stability and contentment? Nope, didn't think so.
How about the never-ending troubles in Ireland? Plenty of discrimination and hatred there, wouldn't you say?
How about countless other examples? Take a look at some real history.
There is more black-on-white crime than white-on-black crime in the United States. This is not a condemnation of black people, merely a fact.
White people are not history's perennial villains. White people are not a homogenous, monolithic group. Your statement is the worst type of blind, agenda-driven propaganda. You certainly don't seem like you could inspire the LW, or anyone else, to be more compassionate.
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Music is my therapy
The trolls remind me of desperate people back in high school who disparaged those they actually admired. They thought this made them look cool and ironic, but the effort always showed. It takes more effort to build and write than to criticize.
I have a sick baby in my arms, and I'm writing in to tell Cary to ignore the trolls. That means I respect your writing even if I don't always agree with it. They get off on thinking that they got to you. Nothing annoys foul mouthed flaming trollish attention seekers more than being ignored. It underlines how sadly juvenile this type of chain yanking is.
For the LW: there's a good amount of research showing that rumination causes and deepens depression. Get a rubberband, put it on your wrist, and snap it at every depressive thought.
Find your muse. Mine is music, my husband's is cars. And kiss your wife for putting up with you. Living with a depressed person is incredibly hard. Depression is contagious, and it appears she has been resisting. That, and picking up your slack, means she deserves some TLC.
You need something physical to get you out of your head. It does not have to be exercise. It can be work.
Good luck LW. The 40s are some of the best times of our lives.
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bravo
Without even reading any of the other responses so far, I'd just like to say that this was one of your best responses (and introductions) yet.
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Sympathy for the devil
Cary
I am pleased to read you finally address the zealots of hate.
Some of the posters go beyond calm, critical disapproval of what you do and head straight for the pulsing jugular of the flesh man they perversely enjoy hating. The more mildly disgruntled want to see at least paper cut blood, whilst an irate and outraged mob would gladly watch your public execution at the hands of senior management. I have even witnessed certain folk suggest suicide as a noble option to make way for a toughened, no nonsense successor.
I think a lot of the hatred is because you embody the wisdom of the archetypal loving father. A bearded, mellow figure who offers guidance but is knowledgable enough not to use harsh moral judgement as an excuse for failing to feel empathy or compassion. Some individuals aren't content to merely take a deep breath and marvel at the greatness and beauty of a distant mountain, but want to quickly locate the path leading up the slope and hurry along the trail so they can make it over the crest. There are also readers who seem to act as if they are your resentful children who want to destroy you because of the power they feel you hold over them. It's almost like they feel compelled to attack you and resent the urge which keeps them watching your every move. Such people can't just walk away because they are connected to you in ways not accessible to the conscious mind. You house and mirror their own repressed or rigidly defended against pain and sorrow and vulnerability and frailty. There is a sense these human elements are importan,t but fear if they experience these states directly, they risk being subsumed by the irrational and needy self within.
You are very human Cary and that frightens many people because they think the head should rule and can think up all the answers and everything should be black and white and that's all there is to it! There is no room in this ruthless world for rambling philosophical poetry and airy fairy hope. The advice columnist must be contemptuous and righteous and act as if all behaviour can be reduced to good or bad. At times he must issue a harsh command for the letter writer to just stop their whinging, and deal with the petty shit that is life and just move on for fucks sake!.... Yes, she's a slut and he's a moron and they shouldn't do that together because it is morally unsound and as a consequence they must act in this and that way to atone, but most likely they don't deserve forgiveness and should be punished.
Why aren't you judging and making people pay for their sins, Cary? We want you to be the scary and fierce dad who walks into the room when he hears shouting and a commotion. His loud and aggressive voice silences all others as he decisively determines who is to blame and who has been wronged. We want this guy to severely berate at least one child and send someone or both parties to their rooms. But instead we have this beatnik uncle who strolls into the room in his organic cotton caftan and invites the kids to squat on beanbags whist he reflectively strokes his goattee and starts his rambling speech with the trite, 'When I was your age........'