Letters to the Editor
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Thank you for this column
People always like to complain and editorialize, especially if they're getting a free service! Comes with the territory, I suppose.
This column is my favourite place on the whole internet! Life isn't easy. It can get harder. Sometimes we feel lonely. We usually feel that no one can possibly understand us, no one can possibly know how we might be feeling.
But I feel like Cary Tennis does. I know he cares. He is a beautiful writer. In his words, I read that he is trying to become closer, trying to empathize and often he does.
And in this intimate way we feel like we get to know Cary as well. And all the other characters around this place like AJCalhoun, AKA Smith, brightstar, etc.
Reading this column everyday makes me think about the big issues of ourselves and our days. These are things we should be thinking about. The letters generate a great discussion, and I often finding myself discussing these topics with friends and loved ones.
Since You Asked gives me a simple pleasure every morning and is a comforting way to begin the day.
Which brings me to my two cents for the letter writer: read more on the concept of "mindfulness" -- this is where self-help is heading towards. Living in the moment. Enjoying sensual experiences, taking care of yourself, etc. There will be better literature out there. I liked Cary's suggestion of the hot tub. The skin is the largest organ of our body, and it rarely gets to feel it's full potential!
Thanks Since You Asked and thanks Cary Tennis. You get it. You get what it's all about.
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Regarding the anonymous post
If you think you are anonymous, you don't know how these systems work. Salon probably has to monitor the threads, just like other sites do and they know who you are. Do you really believe your information is anonymous to everyone?
Dear deeply unhappy "Anonymous", you with your clever and cruel responses, not only do they have your isp and personal info, they also know you are a jerk.
There are always a couple of mean-spirited bullies to spoil things for those who are enjoying something. Maybe it's a law of the universe along the lines of misery loves company. If we were all in a room together, which would be sort of funny, you would be recognizable. Here, it's just cowardly to post in an attempt to bring someone down.
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And volunteer, too!
Thank you for a great response Cary. I would add one STEP 4, once the LW is able to get an overall "mental health inventory" and is able to take care of himself a little bit more. STEP FOUR - Volunteer at a social services provider for those less fortunate. I work as a volunteer coordinator for a local not-for-profit organization that provides food to needy members of the community. It's amazing how theraputic helping those less fortunate can be. When employees from Corporate America come to volunteer for an afternoon, most who have never passed out food at a local food pantry seem slightly begrudged to spend their day filling boxes with canned goods. But at the end of the day, they all come to me and say, "When can I sign up to do this more often" and "What else can I do to help? This experience has been great."
My personal opinion is that giving back gives you perspective. It's hard to find meaning in oneself knowing that we've spent 25 years of our life working to, say, make staplers more efficient or whatever professional endeveour Corporate America assigns us. Gaining perspective by seeing someone else's plight allows us to take inventory of the things that we might not otherwise recognize as, "blessings."
Sometimes that's enough to get you out of your rut.
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The posts telling the LW to "harden up", etc....
Kind of epitomizes why people often hesitate to reach out. It really saddens me because I too have a great job, live in a nice place and want for nothing. I have been battling depression for years, and am presently being treated for it. Depression is a legitimate medical condition that shouldn't be snarked at. Depression does not discriminate; it has no regard for one's age, race, gender, sexual orientation, or financial background, so pulling the class card on this makes no sense. In my humble opinion, we should at least try to extend some compassion to the LW, even if he does have what appears to be the "perfect life". Going by the content of this letter and the letters prior, it's evident that there's no such thing.
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LW,
Presumably you are in the burbs because it is best for your children at this point. If that is so, then you have found some kind of success already. If your career is leaving you flat, and you shift your thinking and start looking for other things then maybe something will change. It may not be a big change.
You seem to be saying that you feel stuck and that things are meaningless. What would infuse your daily experience with passion and excitement? You need some adrenaline to work with here. There are some adventures that can be good clean fun and you know the world is bigger than driving to work and home and dishes! Cary and others have offered the simple advice of taking care of yourself, so find out what that means and begin now.
I wish you the best and want to repeat the chorus of 'your feelings are normal'. If you didn't experience these thoughts at certain points in your life, then you'd have a problem. Enjoy this new day. Dance in your kitchen, dance on the lawn, dance on the hood of your neighbor's car...haha! (He's probably the anonymous who just told everyone they suck.)
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Yep this is about right
for MOST of us men over 40. We work our tails off to keep things going and do what we are supposed to do. And a LOT of times, the wives simply bitch about how little we do or how we aren't doing as well as the guy next door or whatever. Most of the time, we never say anything back too...we figure we made our bed, we should lie in it, keep quiet and just do what we're supposed to do.
Meanwhile, we feel like we accomplish nothing, are going nowhere except to the old folks home and are constantly afraid we'll be in the poorhouse before the old folks home.
Also, we see other guys who have "made it" and seem to have lots of time to do what they want to do and lots of money to do it with and we wonder where we screwed up.
Yeah, been there done that. My only suggestion is, keep plugging away and realize that you AREN'T alone in this...it's pretty much how things are for the majority of us.
Wish I could be more upbeat about this but since I'm generally in the same boat means I feel the same way.