Letters to the Editor
-
What he said.....
Cary did a great job (go, Cary!) and since he is a guy, he probably understands the LW better than I, but I have to say, I do empathize some. I will be 41 in a couple of days, and smack in the middle (hopefully the middle, not the tail end) of life is a sobering place to be. It's where you realize that certain scenarios you envisioned for yourself are simply not going to happen. I am married with 3 little children--happy, financially ok, with a few bumps, ok health, the usual family dramas--everything in the world to be grateful for. But sometimes it dawns on me that I am not going to finish the master's degree, or publish in the Journal of American History. I am not going to be the museum researcher or archaeologist or academic editor I had been working towards. I am never going to live in a huge city, and I am probably never going to live on the ocean. I won't be able to have four children, and I won't be able to use up all those names I dreamed of as a teenager. I won't be a concert violinist. I may not learn 8 or 9 languages.I won't be famous. We won't restore an old Victorian or Colonial. There are people who are doing these things, but they are not me. I am doing things others won't get to do. When we are teenagers, or in our twenties, even the early thirties, our lives seem full of limitless possibilities. But now, at 40, this is the life I have chosen, and the responsibilities of family, aging parents, my husband's job...all of those mean that the possibilites are narrowing and will continue to do so as age takes it toll on us. That is why some people decide to chuck it all and follow whatever dream they once cherished, or have an affair with the old high school sweetheart, or whatever. They miss that sense of possibility and the excitement it brings. Not a good idea, I think, but I understand those people better now, because I miss it, too.
So it is midife, and that's ok, but that doesn't make it any less serious, because who wants to be miserable and anxious. Take Cary's advice, and hey, meds are ok and preferable to, say, a motorcycle (aka "donormobiles") or a mistress.
I would add one thing to Cary's advice, though. It might be valuable for you to find a cause outside your family to support--Habitat for Humanity, environmental things, community welfare organizations, CASA...because it always helps to help someone else. It gives you a sense of purpose beyond the "joe jobs" most of us have, and it can be exciting to see how much you have to offer. Oh, and I know this is Salon, but hey--maybe it's time (if you haven't already) to give religion (yeah, God) a look. It does help to realize that there is something bigger out there than ourselves, and that just being Jackson Browne's "Pretender" has a point as well.
Best Wishes