Letters to the Editor
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Welcome to a very big club : )
Cary's answer to your letter, LW, is so good and so on-the-mark that there's really not a lot I can add. I'm a mid-40s woman (although one who's job demands that she be "strong") who is the process of coming back from depression. I've learned a few things that may help you:
Depression has nothing to do with whether you're "strong" or not. Its can be brought on, or slid into very gradually, by a combination of things - situational, chemical, stress.
Generally the most effective treatment for depression is a combination of medication and behaviour-modification training. I was very resistant to the idea of medication also, but my doctor advised (and he was right!) that the meds would help me feel better fairly quickly which would then give me the energy to take other steps (seeing a psychologist, behaviour-mod counselling, and as Cary mentioned getting good sleep, eating well, and getting some exercise. All of this gave me back a sense of control over my life and health. I found that a food diary helped me, and I learned that sugar intake, for me anyway, tended to contribute to low days.
My psychologist told me that stress creeps up on you like a drop of water into a full glass. You can handle a drop, and then another, and another, and then one of those drops is too much and the glass overflows. Its not uncommon that this often happens in "mid-life". It has nothing to do with how tough you are, although people who recognize the signs and take steps to help themselves - as you have done - are better at getting better.
There can also be a huge physical component to depression/anxiety/post-traumatic stress disorder and any combination thereof. In my case a complete physical turned up very low iron and thyroid function. These factors and others can both contribute to depression and by caused by it. So a thorough check-up is a must.
Finally, I'm also exploring my "creative" side - starting an art class next week, doing a lot of reading, trying on some things I haven't done before, seeing what makes me happy. I'm also gradually weaning myself off my medication under my doctor's guidance.
I was pretty open about my situation with friends and co-workers and I was amazed at the number of people who had been, or were, in the same boat. It may sound trite but you are not alone. You might also want to look up the Beck's Depression Test and take it. For me it kind of confirmed my own diagnosis.
Good luck, LW. Above all be kind to yourself.