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Did what I did, save my life?
Was it not some horrible mistake,but necessary,
was it exactly what I needed to do?
What would I have done otherwise?
Considering how weak I was...
Because it has worked,
the replacement of that breath-taking fear,
of gnawing raw betrayal,
of unrightable wrongs;
of life, definitively out-of-control,
in exchange for a life controlled.
Is it so important that the only
control I had was to ruin it?
Life now is a payment late,
a leaking tire,
a tag gone bad,
another court date,
another slot machine,
another call.
So many nice, solid, controllable
worries to occupy my mind with,
instead of the crushing gravity of
that other whatever-it-was.
-Me
