Letters to the Editor
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Here's another vote for BIRD BY BIRD...
1) ...one of the best books on various writing fears and getting through them out there. My copy (which stays by my computer and writing space) has helped me through any number of hitches.
2) I'd recommend Panera instead of Starbucks for a writing refuge, however. For one thing, there's more space and comfortable seats/booths to work in; for another, the wireless is free. ;)
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And I'd also recommend...
...getting a complete first draft down before letting anyone see it. As the excellent M. Lamott would note, a first draft is where you are still feeling your way and letting your story take shape. Criticism (or praise) at that point can throw you off your stride and mess up your focus. (As well, you have enough insecurities/fears to struggle with without adding other people's opinions to the mix just yet.) "Get it down--then fix it up" is writing advice that helped me immeasurably.
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Too much talk, not enough action
I'm not against writing or creativity -- far from it, as I am a creative professional in another discipline -- but I know an awful lot of writers (amatuer, professional, wannabe, etc.) and I see an awful lot of TALK about writing and in contrast, relatively little actual work.
I don't see a lack of "a room of one's own" or equipment from Ikea -- in fact, what I see is an explosion of people who WANT to be writers, and are deeply inamored of the IDEA of being a writer...of the solitary room, of the muse (uzi or not), of the cute office furniture, the Apple Powerbook, the neatly sharpened pencils. What I don't see is a whole lot of genuinely worthwhile writing being done.
It's nice having a room to yourself (especially when nobody else in the family gets such a perk, since they don't have your "excuse"). It's fun going shopping and buying computers and furniture and office supplies (sort of like back to school shopping, only on steriods). It's fun to join writer's groups, socialize, and TALK about writing and being a writer.
I think most real writers write in silence, in a corner of the living room or basement, on beat up typewriters or out of date computers. If you are a real writer (or any real creative type), you can no more not write than a cat can stop hacking up fur balls -- its stuck in your throat and you have to get it out. In other words, it's NOT about about having a special space, or special equipment or a special group to go to.
(Hint to Cary: this is why you are an online advice columnist and not a real author.)
The best book I ever read about the writing process was by Stephen King of all people. (I think it was called something like "Stephen King On Writing" but I'm not sure.) Despite being a gazillionaire, the man writes at a beat up desk in a windowless closet.
In contrast, I have a friend who writes, but in order to do so, she had to build an expensive addition on her home and furnish it with "special" furniture. She's single and childless, and owns her own 3 bedroom house! It wasn't enough. She had to have a special writing room "with a view". She seems happy enough with it, but still I wonder if she writes as much or as well as she would have in another area of her house.
My point being is that if you concentrate on the outer trappings of the "precious writer's lonely existence and special place to write", instead of actually telling a story, then you will end up with a lot of STUFF and not very much writing.
My other point being that wayyyyy too many people today want to be writers, and overly glamorize the writer's life (all while sneering at child-rearing, homemaking, ordinary jobs, i.e., regular life) as being the most ideal. Any visit to a bookstore will show you beyond a shadow of doubt that there is a huge heap of crap being published these days, a lot of it stuff that should have never seen the light of day. The standards today are so low that a lot of people being published would have NEVER made it into print a few decades ago, when editors were really editors and not just flunkies. (Anyone disagreeing, please refer to James Frey, etc.) And when I say "people want to be writers', I also think they are more interested in being on Oprah, doing book tours, signing autographs, etc. than in telling stories.
And that's what it is about, no matter what your writer's workshop or expensive "retreats" or creative writing class instructor tells you. It's about telling stories. If there is a story inside of you, tell it. Because that doesn't require precious little writing spaces, laptops, classes, or the permission of other people.
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from the daughter of a writer
there is a lot of advice from writers in these comments but i would like to address the issue as a daughter of a writer.
my mother started writing late in life and when i was a teenager. at first it was a family project, we would sit around the dinner table and discuss plot and character, but soon she was writing on her own, in her own room. eventually her requests to us to read her chapters and help in editing stopped. she joined an online writers group and called the people she met there her friends. she talked about her characters as if they were real. and she talked unceasingly about her novel.
at first this behavior was merely annoying but soon we became resentful, hurt and angry. over the years i've seen my mother drift further and further away from our family. she and i rarely speak anymore. i feel she's accepted this but my heart is still raw. i am tearing up as i write this, thinking about how our relationship has changed.
i am genuinely proud of her accomplishments. she wasn't a naturally gifted writer and had to essentially learn how to do it and now she is published. i admire that she was willing to try something new and to really commit to it. but the cost to our family cannot be ignored.
so to the letter writer i would ask, are you giving your family the attention they need when you are not writing? are you communicating to them that this new thing is not more important to you than they are? reading over the shoulder and offering unsolicited advice are annoying, yes, but it's most likely symptomatic of your family's worry that they're losing you.
definitely set aside consistent time to write and be firm with your family about the time you need, the noise level you will tolerate, etc. but when you leave your writing room, leave it. i know this is almost antithetical to the inclinations of a writer but it is essential for maintaining your relationship with your family.